I used cannabis and alcohol for 19 years. I believe that it magnified the effects of living with a major mental illness. Both of these substances have a history of doing this to people. Pot became an every day thing and I became a binge drinker. The alcohol binges became longer and closer together.
I needed to get buzzed to face life. It became my normal. It was my security blanket. I couldn’t mature to be a responsible adult. I could have coped with life and a mental illness a bit better had I been clean and sober.
I have some regrets. I believe that I have learned from my past.
I have couch surfed and I have lived with friends. I have had a couple of short live together romances but they did not work out. I have worked odd jobs. I have been on employment insurance and welfare. I did what I had to do to get by. I did not understand that I had a disability. I understand it today. Today I cope with life and my illness.
Even today my wife and I get help from the government.
It is one day at a time recovery.
Life has not been perfect in recovery and I have had set backs. In reality I am doing well today and in much of my recovery I have done well. On rough days I put one foot in front of the other and I try and focus on being well.
I know other people are doing it. I am reasonable and reasonably happy. I am free form the desire and the obsession of pot and alcohol. It can be done and it feels good. The monkey is off my back. It feels good.
Today I know I am not alone. We don’t have to be. Thanks for reading. Be well today.
