Paul Dupuis

Grace

At times you’re so grateful you can’t even cry
But inside fall the tears ever frightened and shy
For a child is born and they’re born to be free
For so gentle is grace and you finally see

For you’re kissed by the silence of innocent morns
The dew drops are dancing new beginnings are born
Imperfect perfection yet you’re hampered by fears
Of confusion and doubt but this grace is sincere

But at times you’re so grateful you can’t even cry
But inside fall the tears ever frightened and shy
For a child is born and they’re born to be free
For so gentle is grace and you finally see

The moment is magic when grace takes our hand
And we know we belong but we can’t understand
For we’ve wasted and tasted and hastened to live
Self-centered self-serving but it’s grace that forgives

At times you’re so grateful you can’t even cry
But inside fall the tears ever frightened and shy
For a child is born and they’re born to be free
For so gentle is grace and you finally see

And you think of the moment and the prodigal sons
The daughters the wives and the husbands that run
The sinners last dinners and thieves on the cross
The Buddha the pain and the times we have lost

When we feel we are nothing we know grace disagrees
It embraces with love helps us off of our knees
And at times you’re so grateful you can’t even cry
We’ve a moment of peace and we drop our disguise

And we know that we live as the prodigal sons
The daughters the wives and the husbands that run
The sinners last dinners and thieves on the cross
The Buddha the pain and the times we have lost

Those of us living in one day at a time recovery practice the skill of deep thought. Some call it contemplation. We understand that it has both advantages and disadvantages. This is the reality of introspection. Some say we are to empty our minds and seek the awareness of the present moment. Some say when we can find the silence (which does happen from time to time) we will find peace. Often when we become aware of our inner-workings difficulties can occur for us. When this happens most of us seek guidance because when we become self-aware usually there is pain and disappointment that comes with it. If we don’t seek guidance we can become stuck and painfully self-absorbed. When we understand this we choose to turn the disadvantages of introspection into the advantage of belonging. When we know that we belong the healing begins. Introspection has brought us to a point where we unload, actualize, and let go of our baggage. In doing so we understand the gift of the present moment and the reality of the present day. We become aware of our egoic imaginings but we accept we are children of the universe and that we are no less than the trees or the stars. We become people living our lives one day at a time who are no better or no worse than any other human being. In all reality we understand we can live happy, joyous and free lives. Peace.

Many people living in one day at a time recovery learn how to live with irritating stress that is frustrating. We call this exasperating stress. Sounds smothering doesn’t it? This is the kind of stress that leaves us crying in the bathroom during our fifteen minute break at work just so we can try and hold it together so we can get a paycheck at the end of the week. Exasperating stress is stress that continues and continues. It happens when we have to choose between heating our homes or having food to eat. It happens after we put the kids to bed and we scream into our dish towel because we just can’t take it anymore. Just thinking about it makes me want to weep. It’s the cause of “stress leave” and hospitalizations. When this is happening others need to understand that we’ve done “the suck it up princess” thing long enough and we need to get a break. Government, work-places, and people, many people, are starting to understand this. We don’t have to punch walls because we just can’t take it anymore. We don’t have to blow up at our significant others creating turmoil and fear in our homes. The way we live with exasperating stress is we reach out for help (often professional help). When we do so we realize we are not alone and we find new hope and new breath. Very often we will find support in places that we would have never imagined it would be. People who lived with, or live with exasperating stress, often meet in groups that help us to live with anxiety. Some of us meet over decaf or at the gym. Some of us walk together. We also meet in faith gatherings or at 12 step meetings. Peace.

Many people living in one day at a time recovery know we are all together as akin. Although it is a spiritual and emotional togetherness many of us take this togetherness one step farther. Our physical beings meet in a physical togetherness, and for this we are truly grateful. Many of us believe this is important because we are witnessing first hand the togetherness of each other. Some call it skin on skin (the fist-pumps, the handshakes and the hugs). After all, our disorders have affected us physically, emotionally and spiritually. Some of us do not, or cannot meet in such ways so we choose to join and become akin in on-line gatherings. This is a good way for our energies to meet. Togetherness is a gift which brings with it the gift of gratitude. We don’t have to be alone. Peace.

Many people living in one day at a time recovery suffer in life. We know others do also. We just want to say to others – “We know it’s hard. You’re not alone.” It’s part of being human just like aging, and illness are a part of the journey. Our reality is we need to acknowledge it, and then find out if there is something we can do to change it. People have been trying to stop suffering, illness and aging since the beginning of time. The pain we feel, we have to learn to transform it into a part of the process, as we forgive, and accept it as such, in order that we do not transmit it to others. People will suffer enough without us transmitting our pain onto them. Our reality is only the acknowledgement and acceptance of living grace can show us how to stop transmitting our pain. This shows us we are worthy of love and belonging, and in doing so we grow enough that we can accept the imperfection of the human condition. We begin to understand unconditional love, and we accept what we cannot change. When we transmit unconditional love we are saying to others – “We know it’s hard. You’re not alone.” Here is reality. The human condition is a wonderful endeavor regardless of our suffering. “We know it’s hard. You’re not alone.” Peace.

Many people living in one day at a time recovery know everyday brings hope. We don’t have to feel, experience, or know we have hope. It’s not a matter of faith, trust, good deeds, or anything that we have done that merits us this reality. There is hope everyday because of pain, sickness, death, and tragedy. It is because chains, terror, cruelty, and ill will supersede any act of decency or kindness. It is because want gets twisted into greed, addiction, and to the very least obsessive want. It’s because life gets so selfish we don’t even care enough to share the air that we breathe or the water that we drink. It’s because we wage war with our neighbors because we want what they have or they are a threat to our sanctimonious belief of ourselves, our God, and our society. Everyday we awaken we know this pain, this wrong, and this truth. We shed the tears, we heave the sighs, we sob the sobs, and we know the dark deep days of depression. But still we sing, we smile, we work, we laugh, and we can be exceedingly grateful. People marry or form unions of togetherness. Kindness and charity is a part of our lives. Children are born and they sing their funny rhymes. And even poets can smile. What else could we do but believe their is hope everyday. Hope is because it has to be. It’s a kin to love. There is no other reality.

Many people living in one day at a time recovery like to write. Often when we write we are organizing melancholy. Some of us do it in our journals, our poetry, and our song lyrics. Organized melancholy is a creative tool. Melancholy is a feeling of pensive sadness typical of poets and songwriters somberly creating works of art in relationship to and of a depressive, broken, or breaking heart. Most people can relate to such works. We all experience it. Some call it heartache. Such works let us see where we are, and where we were at certain parts of our lives. Many of us journal in such a way so we can learn how to deal with, and recognize our feelings. It’s a recovery tool. Many of us have, and still share our organized melancholy with our professional supports. When we do so we get feedback and support in order that we are instilled with a sense of belonging and hope. We also learn coping skills. Some of us share our organized melancholy with our friends, or our natural supports. It helps. Just listen to the song “Sad Songs” sung by Elton John. It’s reality. We’re human. Peace.

Many people living in one day at a time recovery have learned how to turn weakness into strength. The reality of our disorders made it so that many of us suffered immensely. We discovered we could no longer manage our own lives. Addiction has a way of doing this to people, good people who are ill. Most of us need to bottom-out in order that we can become ready to receive the gift of desperation. The gift of desperation is a gift so powerful that it can be a life changing event. It becomes the weakest and strongest moment of our lives. The gift of desperation is a paradoxical reality. It is our strength. We learn and live one day at a time recovery. We discover that we can help others. Our recovery is inspirational and our lives become manageable. When we come to this reality we realize we have been given the reality of living good lives. Our unrealistic expectations fade away (we can all have unrealistic expectations) and we learn true humility. We are people who have turned our weakness into strength. In all reality it’s our saving grace. Peace.

Many of us living in one day at a time recovery know that we have to contribute to others in general. We cannot always just take. The reality of contributing is it is a gift. It isn’t just a gift for others because if we can contribute to others it means we are doing okay. In other words our recovery is a reality. Perhaps we develop healthier self-esteem and responsibility. The miracle of one day at a time recovery is happening. Perhaps we get jobs (full-time, part-time or casual) and we learn how to manage our money better. Others appreciate this. Often this is a heroic effort for us, just like it is for many others. Our reality is that we don’t throw stones at those of us who can’t. Maybe we volunteer to contribute. This is a noble and valiant contribution. Non-profits need us. Also there are those of us who feel far more comfortable contributing while at home. Perhaps we share our stories and our recovery during our visits to on-line support groups. Some of us have much experience and a little wisdom to share with others. Some of us are more comfortable contributing at in person meetings. When we find our niche we will find a way to to contribute. Some of us do dishes, and the funny thing is it’s a spiritual undertaking for us. The biggest thing is when we participate in recovery we automatically contribute by being, or becoming well. Peace.

Many people who live in one day at a time recovery are good at catching stones. They became good at catching stones meant for us because of their unselfish endeavors. Also they believe our inherent dignity should be respected by all people. These people advocate for our health and welfare. They believe we need opportunity. They create opportunity. In order that we can take advantage of such opportunities, they teach us how to catch stones ourselves. We toss these stones aside and walk away to find one day at a time recovery. Some of us catch stones for those of us who are yet unable to catch them for themselves. We strive for the day that others will stop throwing stones. This is the realistic hope of a selfless society. Our reality is that we need to participate. When we do we believe that others will probably throw way fewer stones. Thanks to the stone catchers, we can become responsible recovering people. Perhaps we will all take our stones and build a road towards a better tomorrow. Maybe we will even start building one today. It’s not an unreasonable reality. Peace.