After we have a bit of a grip on our health by being clean and sober for a while and also settling into comfortable wellness with our mental health condition we might start to look at one day at a time recovery as experiencing a puzzle being put together one piece at a time.
We begin to grow physically, mentally, and spiritually. In this growth we begin to be responsible and we begin to know how to care for others and ourselves. In this growth we learn that we need to set boundaries on ourselves.
One of the things I have learned is not to go into a pub by myself to have a coffee. I am going to share a few reasons for this that I have discovered as I slowly stepped out of the I am I used to think I was in regards to recovery.
I know that when I am sitting in a pub by myself, with a coffee mug in my hand that there is probably a chance that someone there could notice that it is not a bottle or a glass that is sitting on my table. Everyone else is usually drinking beer or liquor. Someone catching a buzz might think that I need a drink. As a matter of fact they might think that I need a real drink. They might even insist that I need a drink. If I say no thanks they might think that I am being unsociable. As a matter of fact they might argumentatively insist that I have a real drink. It can happen. A similar thing happened to me at a party but I had a way out.
Now to get back at being at a pub – If I am sitting down with another having a meal I will probably sit there unnoticed. Especially if I am drinking soda or water in a glass. If I am sober driving for others I have an acceptable excuse for not drinking to most people catching a buzz. Nonetheless if I am there I believe that I should have a good supportive person with me and I also need to be able to leave when it becomes too difficult for me to comfortable. And also in reality I simply should not be at a pub by myself because my I am might just convince me that I can have just one. In other words I don’t want to be in a pub drinking coffee by myself because it is too frigging dangerous. I have tried it.
It isn’t the fourth or the fifth that gets you wasted. It is the first.
I can remember trying to have just one with friends who were getting wasted while in a once upon a time early recovery and it ended up with me getting wasted. And it wasn’t just getting wasted once it ended up being wasted for a year that ended up with me almost ending my own life. Life is hard enough in recovery. Good health is impossible with actively drinking and using. Simply, it is impossible.
Today if I have to be around people while they are drinking I have to have a reason to be there and I need to have a way to leave. A friend told me that I need to be healthy enough to say no when there. In other words what they meant was that to be there I had to be spiritually fit enough to say no or leave without making excuses to stay when recovery and health become at risk.
The I am of I am unique and I can have just one has no place around alcohol or other unhealthy substance that trigger me. I didn’t do it a lot but it took me many years of recovery to realize that one of these people who were getting buzzed or wasted just might say to me and my coffee mentality, “Why don’t we just step outside if you are too good to have a drink with me.”
A steak and a soda with another at a meal time is usually cool. In reality I have no reason to frequent a pub no matter what I think because a steak might just taste like – “Wow! A beer would go good with this.” Most people in recovery know this. The I am unique – I have heard it called being terminally unique so I can have just one is my enemy. I like to take safe-guards against losing my one day at a time health and recovery. I don’t want to lose the wellness that I have. This one day at a time growth is a piece of the puzzle in the one day at a time recovery that I try to live. Thank you for reading. Be well today.