Sometimes those of us living in one day at a time recovery have periods of a time when we are holding our breath just hoping for a break. Past reality has let us know that sooner or later a break will come. While waiting for a break to happen many of us hold on while holding our breath while struggling with great difficulty. Often we have to let that breath out and breathe deeply and let it out again. Maybe we need to go for a walk or maybe we need to take a break and have a decaf coffee with someone. It appears that we need to learn to stay calm when we are worrying. Some of us are good at it. Some of us – well we struggle. Sooner or later everyone does but sooner or later everyone gets a break. If there is one thing one day at a time recovery has taught us is we are far better off if we can apply some form of a break in our everyday daily lives. We are vigilant in this. Long term abstinence and recovery are made possible because of this. Let go for a bit. Peace.
Some people living in one day at a time recovery understand the reality of panic attacks causing discord. Very often when panic attacks attack someone they are in an array of emotion in which they feel threatened and unsafe. They might be in such a state that in this attack of panic that others present at such a time feel unsafe or powerless because of the aggressive tone of the person in panic. This is why panic attacks are called attacks. It affects everyone present. The ideal situation is for others present during a panic attack is for them to be calm to help the person in panic to become calm. Especially when those in panic are not violent people. When the panic stops the person who was in panic knows that they have caused discord. They probably feel pretty bad about it. Panic attacks can happen. Sometimes that which has caused the attack is an easy fix. Some of us just need help. This is reality. Peace.
Those of us who have been living in one day at a time reality for any amount of time know that grace is founded in reality. Any other notion of grace is ridiculous. Those who disagree with the concept of grace are caught up in lives filled with resentment and bitterness. Those of us who believe in love, kindness and one understand that grace has to be founded in reality. The human race would not survive without it or at least the human race as we know it. You know the human race with those who believe in love, kindness and one. Many of us could have been exterminated a long time ago if it wasn’t for grace. The witch hunts still go on yet to this day. And many of us who have been saved from extermination understand the reality of love, kindness and one. That’s why it’s important for grace to be founded in reality. Many of us need it. What is grace founded in reality? It’s being a part of love, kindness and one. People living in one day at a time recovery understand this. If we don’t we need more grace. That’s our one reality. Peace.
Some people new to recovery believe that newly formed romantic relationships are meant to light up our lives like a starry starry night. In hospitals, detoxes or treatment centers we might find ourselves entering into relationships with someone we believe has the potential to be our significant other. Those of us who are prone to sex and love addiction understand the reality of this. We are not saying that relationships in early recovery don’t always work out because very often they can. We need to understand the reality of love. It isn’t always new, refreshing, butterflies and fireworks. The butterflies migrate to better climates and a heavy dose of rain can delay the fireworks from time to time. The bills have to be paid and we all have to understand the reality of give and take. Often we are advised not to enter into a new relationship until we have a year of recovery. In 12 step rooms we hear of the 13th step. The 13th step is when someone who has been in recovery for a while enters into a relationship with someone new to the program. People new to recovery who enter into relationships early in recovery often face the possibility of relapse should such relationships not work out. The same goes for 13th step relationships. Both of these types of relationships can be harmful. We need to at least understand this possibility. It isn’t always starry starry nights. It isn’t always old fashion love songs. Love exist founded in reality. Peace.
Some people living in one day at a time recovery visit family members for coffee. Whether we have it on the deck on a sunny day when summer is winding down or in the kitchen when fall is in the air more often than not it is a pleasant experience. Being with family makes the day, and sharing coffee accentuates the enjoyment. There is no reason to take offense at anything during these enjoyable times. Our false-selves (the ego, the cynic and what life has made us) usually lives at bay during such times. It might even go to sleep for a while. This often happens when we are at peace and the false-self stays quiet. We are experiencing the reality of love and comfort. In other words during these times we are comfortable in our own skins and we are are grateful. Such times are the gift of grace. Peace.
Some people living in one day at a time recovery have bouts of cynical reality. Cynical realism creates a depressive view of an angry and hopeless world in which we believe people are harsh and cruel human beings who have little concern for others. In all reality cynical realism creates mistrust and can even go so far as to interfere with close relationships. Some of us need to take medication to move past the dark reality of cynical realism. Cynical realists are not happy healthy people. They become frightened and bitter people. Some of us know this from experience. Cynical realism interferes with one day at a time recovery. When in recovery we deal with adversity, mishaps and cynical thoughts quite well. We learn to let go of what we need to let go. As was said some of us take medication and we live healthy happy lives. Not perfect but good. Peace.
Many people living in one day at a time recovery realize that when it comes to recovery we just let recovery happen. We learn to experience life one day at a time. We just let it happen. We learn to stay clean, sober or abstinent one day at a time. We just let it happen. We discover we need to get outside of our own minds and be a part of community and life. We just let it happen. We, after time takes time, discover a maturity and a measure of self-awareness that allows us to have a small measure of peace within ourselves even though struggles exist and reality can be harsh. We just let it happen. And we still see the beauty in life and we will experience the joys of love and freedom. We just let it happen. We discover life is and we are, and we reach out not only to take but we reach out to give. We do the work and we uncover grace. Peace.
Many people living in one day at a time recovery are susceptible to the influence of our wants. One of the wants that influence us in desire is envy. Envy is the desire to own what others own or to be the characteristics of what others are. Perhaps we will put a twist on our envy. The desire to imitate without obsession can be a good thing. The action of taking that which belongs to another causes harm to another. Imitation without obsession has helped a good many of us in finding recovery. Most of us cannot help but to be influenced by our wants to be like others in recovery. What happens to us when we are developing in one day at a time recovery is we develop a sense of belonging. As we find this sense of community, we are compelled to grow in a sense of independence. Envy becomes fleeting moments of thought and in our developing recovery we will want not that which another is or has but that which we will be and that which we will have by means of becoming selfless. Eventually we will understand that all that we are and all that we acquire is grace. It is the reality of recovery. Peace.
Some people living in one day at a time recovery have sudden and profound spiritual awakenings. They are often passionate and committed to the cause of living in one day at a time recovery by helping others become free from the bonds of active addiction. In doing so they are vigilant in sharing a message that our bottoms are powerful enough to create common bonds amongst us that we no longer need to use because of the sense of a wounded community which has the ability to support each other through common compassion and shared empathy. This doesn’t happen to many of us. Most of us do not have sudden and profound experiences. We are gently awakened over a period of what could be a number of years. And our awakenings continue to happen. It takes time for us to understand the reality of our spiritual experiences. We too become vigilant about carrying a message that our common experience of bottoming out need be as far down as we need to go. We too know the inextricable connection that we have with those we are akin with. We are all part of a compassionate and empathetic community. It’s not about us but it is about us isn’t it? One day at a time we all awaken. It’s reality. Peace.
Some of us living in one day at a time recovery have lived many years not knowing that we are ill. We didn’t see our vulnerabilities. What some of us don’t understand is that the childhood passivity that we had as a child has never left us. We didn’t see that our inability to set boundaries exists to this day is because no-one or few, accepted or accepts them. In this day our frailty is exposed easily and we are dismissed with a whim. It could be because when we were alone and on our own we were taught to accept that scraps and seconds were good enough for us. How could we set boundaries with our providers. The system of meritocracy instills this in us. After all some of us are disabled. We have been since we were children but we grew up to be scorned adults. Nonetheless we have enough self-worth in ourselves to know we are valued by some. After many years of living in recovery some of us realized yes we have an illness and we have tried and still try to be as productive as we can. People who are like us are inextricably positively connected to those we are akin with. We would be surprised what some of us do. It’s a miracle that we can live in recovery and exist in our wonderfully broken and beautifully challenged reality. We have a mental illness. It’s difficult to live with but we can be okay. Now we know. Welcome to life. Peace.