It is important for those who live with concurrent disorders to live life this day. This is the beginning of recovery and one of the main factors in retaining it. This way of life has been a prominent ideal in humanity’s existence for many centuries. We know we cannot live in the past because it keeps us from the gift of this day. We know we cannot live in the future because it also keeps from the gift of this day. The past can keep us living in regret and remorse. Living in the future can cause fear and anxiety. These dimensions of existence need for us to give ourselves, other people, and also institutions, the gift of grace. In doing so maybe we will find the gift of the present moment, and in this moment we will find the gift of this day. We know that we will remember, but perhaps we will find the gift of hope. We know we will worry, but perhaps we will find gift of being at ease. And in this we find the gift of recovery, living in this day, one day at a time.
Those of us who live in one day at a time recovery know about emotional pain. We know we live in great pain being held captive by the bondage of self while in our addiction. In this pain we became alone. Others just didn’t see it. Our smiles, our laughter, our jokes, and perhaps then, our real isolation. The pain of alone. We had to reach out for help. So we did. Then we met the paradox of pain. We began the imperfect journey of life and recovery. We put down the booze, the pot, or whatever. Our treatment plans were constructed with the help of professionals. We stopped bullshitting the doctors and others who wanted to help us. We became responsible again. Some of us found happiness, freedom and joy for the first time. The rest of us found it again. Please reach out. You are worth it.
It is a huge commitment to live in one day at a time recovery from mental health conditions and addiction. Many of us know that it is a worthwhile endeavor. We know this for certain. Some of us start the morning with medication. Then in prayer we ask for help to keep this a clean and sober day. The God thing is important to us because our disorders completely defeated us. We knew we were out of control and we reached out. We remembered the panic and the desperation when we were frustrated and frightened pleading, “God help me!” Today we see that the desperation we experienced was a gift. Today it could be something as simple as, “God help me to stay clean, sober, and healthy today. Help me to stay committed to my recovery.” Some days our morning thoughts bounce all over the place but we ask for help anyways. It helps us realize we all need help. Someone, or something, has got us this far. We know that staying committed to participate in a healthy life is quite a responsibility. With a little help we can do this. We are worth it.
Those of us who have been living in one day at a time recovery, think of other people with gratitude. Those who we learn to trust are simply gifts for us. They can take us out of our problems, or at the very least, be a sounding board. And when we see their faults and flaws, we see that they too, just like us, are human. Should we criticize them, we are probably seeing our own shortcomings. We need remember that faults, flaws, and shortcomings are not failings. They are a part of being a human being. Human beings who are living beings. Beings who are as important to us as the air we breathe. Often when in panic, they calm us, and help us find our breath. And they want nothing in return. These beautiful caring imperfect people do this because they care. We are learning, one day at a time, the gift of other people.
There is a reality that many people in one day at a time recovery tend to follow. This reality is when they come to another person with a problem, their solution is already made. They just need reassurance from one, two, or several others. Often enough, they are skating a slippery slope being influenced by their own misguided thinking. This reality is the reality of many people. We can see a differing opinion as criticism. Some of us learn just to let others make their own decisions. And the funny thing is, we all are capable of making decisions based on our own misguided thoughts. If we are not paying attention we will continue to do so. Many of our decisions are based on fear. Hopefully, when we learn to pay attention, we will know this. Then we learn a new reality. The wisdom to know the difference.
The noise it laughs in unison, a melancholic sit,
A poet sighs the years fly by, the clock ticks tick tick tick
He gazes through the window screen, the sky a simple grey,
His pain is heavy, without words, such like the sad song says
A gentle brush, his shaven head, a slight slight breeze unseen,
It’s mostly still at windowsill, his paper blank and clean,
For the troubles of a brown bag buzz, insanity in price,
A dollar-five for cheap cheap wine, each drink is tasted twice
But now the days are days of love, the noise still lives a bit,
The poet sighs and sometimes cries, the clock ticks tick tick tick,
With decaf by the windowsill, the poet sits alone,
To see a view so made of glass and wood and paint and stone
While memories of madness mock the minds of boys and men,
With moments touching paradise, the memories of when,
That cannabis could catch the sky, like comets crashing clear,
A time a time of long ago, quite lost but still quite near
Thirty years or more have slept the silver birds have flown,
The clock it simply ticks tick tick, in glass and wood and stone,
And silence is a butterfly, and love a soft embrace,
And joy is but a simple smile that you don’t have to chase
A speckled road from drops of wet, a view that you can hold,
A Summer’s sweet surrendering that simply won’t be sold,
With decaf by the windowsill, a poet sits alone,
To see a view so made of glass and wood and paint and stone
So now the days are days of love, the noise still lives a bit,
The poet sighs and sometimes cries, the clock ticks tick tick tick
With decaf by the windowsill, the poet sits alone,
To see a view so made of glass and wood and paint and stone
Many people who were living with mental health disorders and addiction were willing to become willing to reach out for the help they needed to find recovery. They simply were not willing to reach out but they became willing to become so. They knew that they needed to reach out and soon they did so because they wanted to become willing and they did. It seams like I am talking in riddles but I’m not. They simply wanted to want to be well. It’s similar to the idea of being reasonable and reasonably happy leads to being happy, joyous, and free. When we reach out for help to help ourselves one day at a time we find growth happens to us even when we don’t know it’s happening. It’s the gift of commitment. Not every day is a bed of roses but the gift of commitment changes our lives. We learn to deal with adversity. We are now willing to reach out for help. Thank God for this willingness and this gift of commitment. This is also when we learn to appreciate that we, even with all of our imperfections, can help others.
People who live in one day at a time recovery know what it is like to be afraid. More than likely every person that I have met, or would ever want to meet, knows the feeling of fear. I believe fear is more than likely a primal instinct and different people react differently to it. Many of our fears are valid and we try not to let our fears run our lives. We face what we can and we let go of what we cannot. Not everyone has the courage to be a hero. A person who has no fear can be very foolish indeed. Perhaps a person is out of work and is afraid to apply for a job. If it is just the fear of a job interview that person can do mock interviews to prepare themselves to be ready for an upcoming interview. When they feel ready enough, and the interview is set up, they simply go to it. And this is where they face their fear. Before entering the interview they know it might just be the initial walking in the door of the interviewer that is the fear. All they need is fifteen seconds of courage to walk in the door and greet the interviewer. After that initial fifteen seconds of courage the person then settles in and does their best in the interview. They were afraid but they did it. And maybe, just maybe, they got a job. These are the types of fear we can face. It’s the same as facing our fears and reaching out for help to become well, or stay well. We don’t have to face our fears alone. Recovering people know this. Be well today one day at a time. It’s worth it.
Is it the lack of control of our lives that increase bouts of depression, anxiety, anger, guilt, aloneness and shame? Do these emotions bring us to the despair of suicidal ideology? Do we become captive to these sequential thoughts?
This aloneness, this damned aloneness, fuels the fires of the despair of self.
We feel so alone that we cannot see even a dim flicker of hope in this dark tunnel we are in.
This dark tunnel had no opening but once we are on this dim road of depression we believe that a horrible grasp of ill will is smothering us just as sure as there was someone holding a pillow over our face. We gasp for breath like a person who is drowning.
The noises in our heads begin to wear us down. It tells us we deserve this. In some twisted way we start to accept this and we start to believe there is no way out.
Some of us try to hide from these emotions by escaping as much as we can. Booze, pot, sex… They work for a while and we don’t see we are carving our premature death date on our tomb stone.
“HERE LIES A TROUBLED SOUL”
Most people can’t understand this but we do.
Some of us have cried out God help me but we feel like we’re on God’s shit list. Maybe, just maybe, God is on our shit list. What is God anyways.
But we hear people say “We’ve been there.” And guess what – we still go there today but not as often and not as bad.
We have walked the thin line that turned into a foot path. For most of us it turned into a side-walk that we walk one step at a time. Some times two steps forward and one step back.
We know the bullies, the jerks, ands the mean people. Hell! There were times that we were them.
But now, this moment, this hour, this day, we know we are loved. We are a kin.
And we know that we are loved for we have learned to love ourselves. We have befriended ourselves.
When those thoughts come that want us to die – those thoughts that come when we want to die we say no. We say “NO” “I AM ENOUGH”. Though of us who have been there know life can be good. We need to reach out for help.
Maybe someday, somebody will need you to say, “I know you. YOU ARE ENOUGH”
We’ve been there and We know you, “YOU ARE ENOUGH”
If you are suicidal, feel like harming yourself or anyone else in any way, call your local mental health clinic or local help-line and/or if this is an emergency please call 911 or your local emergency number. You don’t have to face this alone.
Those of us who live in one day at a time recovery from concurrent disorders know life is uphill. It is also difficult walking uphill alone. Alone can be hard enough to do for the healthiest person. We need to accept that. There are some people who are good at going uphill. They reach back and pull us along. If we slip they will hold us and keep us from slipping anymore. If we trip they will pick us up and tell us to watch out for the dips that trip us. And if we purposely fight them, they will let us go because there are other people who need help to walk up the hill. The people who help us are incredibly loyal and wise. They know that they can only help people who will help themselves. And when these helpful people have finished pulling people to the top, they rest, walk back down, and then help other people up the hill. We think we might not be able to do what these people do, but we learn not to fight them, and maybe then we will learn with their help the journey is much better. Not perfect but better. We learn to enjoy most of it. And we learn to reach back and help others with their uphill walk.