People living in one day at a time recovery learn that life has tears, fears, and dishonest mirrors. Some of us don’t understand this, and some of us cannot admit it. Perhaps it is life’s dishonest mirrors that paints a picture for us that we can never be out of control. These dishonest mirrors tell us we can never show any hints of vulnerability. And heaven forbid if we ever display any other perceived signs of weakness. And of course these mirrors tell us that we have to do it all perfectly, and with ease without showing any hints of effort or difficulty. Even when young, when we looked at ourselves in these dishonest mirrors, few of us ever measured up to a point where we had healthy self-images. In reality, I am just paraphrasing words from Dr. Brene Brown’s Ted Talk based on her research on shame (It’s on youtube). When reality sets in, most of us realize that life has tears, fears, and dishonest mirrors. Perhaps some of us struggle more than others, but we all struggle. The dishonest mirrors are telling us we are supposed to live in a fairy-tale but now we know better. Some days can be really good and we all know what this can be like. Love who you see in a loving mirror with all their tears and all their fears. That amazing person is you. You would be surprised how beautiful you truly are.
People living in one day at a time recovery do not have perfect lives. The bonus is that we know our lives will never be perfect. Never was and never will. Dr. Brene Brown has helped to understand imperfection has its gifts. When we understand this, we understand the reality of life. We also understand how our perspectives can change from day to day. The reality of life is our perspectives can change from moment to moment. Those of us who understand the benefits of reality checks understand this. When we can accept that life is not perfect, that we are not perfect, and that other people are not perfect, we can give life, others, and most importantly ourselves a break. Some people call this giving grace. Some people call giving grace – kindness, forgiveness, and empathy. These lead to gratitude and happiness. When we learn to accept imperfection, we also get to learn the gifts of imperfection – kindness, forgiveness, and empathy. Realistically we can struggle with these concepts, and we are not alone in doing so. As such we see we are not perfect, and we give ourselves a break. Then perhaps life. And in the reality of imperfection, we give others a break. Kindness, forgiveness, and empathy. When we share it we understand, and when we don’t share it perfectly, we understand. What we learn is we can go with the flow, and we have a bit more freedom. We become grateful and we understand the reality of grace is a natural law of life, and that peace is available to all of us in our imperfections. Once again, we are not alone. Many of us feel the same. It’s our reality.
Those of us living in one day at a time recovery know the affects from anxiety. We also experience the affects from depression. Anxiety and depression seem to go hand in hand, and the uncertainties of life seem to exacerbate the ill effects of both. Both anxiety and depression can give birth to a need for isolation. When afflicted with anxiety we can feel uncomfortable or afraid outside of the familiarity and security of our homes. What we find is there are times we feel unsafe, or disconnected from others, thus we would rather isolate. Often when anxious, our whole being is longing for connection but deep down we feel distraught and alone. Although many of us won’t admit it many of us are screaming inside, “Does anyone else feel terribly anxious and alone?” The answer to our question is – Yes! Many of us do. And what many of us are discovering is in this isolation of uncertainties we become terribly depressed. When this happens, isolation exacerbates our despair. Anxiety feeds depression. Depression feed anxiety. We are not alone. These are the difficult and ill affects resulting from anxiety and depression. We need to reach out. Some of us need medication. One day at a time we see we are not alone. This is reality.
Those of us living in one day at a time recovery understand what it is like see our lives, and the people in it, with differing perspectives. One day at a time we get to see the reality of recovery’s imperfection. No amount of gratitude or attempts at positive thinking can change this. We realize we are emotional beings. We are not alone in having emotions impact upon our views or our perspectives. It happens to most people. For instance, when stressed we can become angry and less flexible with other people. We become less adaptive to some situations. We can become difficult to be with. When we are not stressed, and things are going well we are patient and amiable people. We are better at adapting to life’s situations, but we are sometimes careless. When we sense danger, real or imagined, we become protective or frightened. The reality of this causes us to look at life with differing perspectives, but such perspectives can bring magnified effects with disabling consequences to those of us who live with mental illness. Such perspectives can ruin not only relationships, but they also destroy careers. In reality we might have a tendency to isolate because of this. As I write this, I know it’s a reality and I know it happens to many people. The hope is to live our one day at a time recovery and adapt as best we can. Others understand. Reach out and be supportive. We’re not freaks. Peace.
A man – a brave man
His face bore the lines
And worries of
Eighty-four years
He saw a much different
World than me
He is a decorated
And true hero
The angel of death
Was no stranger
To his fallen comrades
And his fallen enemies
But he did what he had to
For he answered freely
His call to duty
Young and foolish
I longed to be a hero
And I questioned
This courageous soldier –
“What’s it like to be a hero?”
We sat in his cellar
As he quenched his thirst
With a drink of rye
And he flinched as the
Canada Day fireworks
Exploded
Then he sadly replied –
“Had there been another way,
I would have taken it.”
Those of us living in one day at a time recovery understand that we isn’t always me. This is a reality of life. Those that (we) are not we with might have a group togetherness. Similar lifestyles of the we can be dismissive of the other’s needs or beliefs. The we can have a need for we because they believe they exist in hierarchies and they need to belong to the we to maintain and prove to themselves this we exist. The sad thing is that this need to be the we exist in societies. The (we) that are outside of the we often feel as if (we) don’t belong when we try to walk to the beat of their drum. The reality of (we) is (we) need to find a common focus. What we do discover is that the we and (we) are trying to live life one day at a time. Many of us have realized, even if just being supportive to the people of the we is all that (we) can do, (we) are serving a worthwhile purpose. When we do this, we realize all of us are trying to live altruistic lives. This is the reality of living one day at a time recovery. No one needs walk this journey alone.
Many people living in one day at a time recovery know they are a part of a large benevolent group. In reality, we are a community trying to help each other to find, and remain in one day at a time recovery. In that community there is a small portion of us who are like me. We are the people who live with chronic and persistent mental illnesses that leave us disabled. We are the misfits of one day at a time recovery who have to worry about health and money. Some of us are humble people, living one day at a time vulnerable lives, hoping that somehow our recovery matters. As we get older we will see it does. What is important is that our loved ones really depend on it. Being a misfitted part of a benevolent community we have learned that if we help others, it makes us feel good. It gives us purpose. Another reason we want to help others is because we are directed to do so by our kindness and our compassion. Being a large part of a benevolent community pulls this out of us. Also we begin to understand the reality of the imperfections of our community. When we see this we can understand ourselves, and our own imperfections. We all belong in some way. Misfits and all. In reality most of us already understand this. It’s people helping people. This is the reality of community. Peace.
Those of us who live in one day at a time recovery know the rainy days of reality. In as much as things have been going well for us adverse realities can happen. The difficult and disabling affects of our conditions can cause difficulties with our relationships, our jobs, our advocations, and our recovery. Such difficulties cause the end of marriages, or partnerships. Family members can become estranged from one another. Stressors can cause hospitalizations and job losses. Financial circumstances become more than strained and bankruptcies occur. In other words, rainy days happen. This is the reality of people living with mental health disorders. It can happen to anyone, but these disabling affects are more likely to happen to people with mental illness. Mental health supports and government programs can help prevent such things from happening. Natural supports are a great help too. Even though we can have such supports major difficulties and changes still might happen to us. No system is perfect. This is the reality of rainy days. It is the storms of adversity. All we can do is live one day at a time, pray a bit, reach out, and hope for the best. Peace.
Those of us living in one day a time recovery are witnesses to an act of love. We learn, as we grow, that empathy, care and concern are a three stage act of love. Sometimes we witness this act of love from our loved ones, or from some other person, or people. They feel for, and with us, when we are unwell. They become – with us. This is empathy. The second stage of this act of love is that they care for us. They take us to hospitals, detoxes, and treatment centers. They might even help us with other needs, or wants. Then they are concerned for us. This is the third stage of this act of love we are witnesses to. They pray, worry, and at times, even set boundaries if we simply refuse to help ourselves. They know we are ill but what more can they do. And while we have been witnesses to this act of love, we cannot fully recognize this unless we find recovery. We learn to see this love in doctors, nurses, case workers, recovering people, and others we come in contact with. In reality, we have been brought back to life. Be grateful.
Just having coffee with a friend is a good way to step out of the stress of daily life. We, who live in one day at a time recovery, can know the stressors of work and its commitments. We also have other stressors. Perhaps we have recovery obligations or we have volunteer work that we have to do. We have people depending on us. Maybe we should make that coffee a decaf. A decaf with a friend is better than going for just one of what we used to use, that in all honesty, can start the whole cycle of active addiction all over again. Most of us know this from experience. For most of us this isn’t our first chance at recovery. If we are paying attention we know better. Instead of using we can go for a coffee. Give and take happens during coffee conversations. It can be about nothing – it can be about something. It is whatever we make it. Go have a coffee because for some of us it’s a break from the aloneness that can plague us in our own minds. It works and we’re worth it. One day at a time.