August 2020

I can remember a long long time ago I had said to a psychiatrist that I thought that I needed to go into a 28 day rehab in order to stay off of pot. He told that I would still have to say no when I finished the program. At that time I did not realize how true those words of wisdom really are.

Today I know that the only true way to stay off of pot is that if you do not take that first puff it is a guarantee that you will not get high. For the genius who thinks that you can still eat it that is true so just don’t take that first bite and for the even smarter addict just do not ingest it in any way or any form and you won’t get high. That includes breathing in second hand smoke or absorbing it through the pores or any other manner. In other words don’t get high and you will not get high.

Now if you want to stay off of pot a rehab program will help. Twelve step fellowships, professional supports, and faith in the God of your understanding will solidify your recovery one day at a time.

In my understanding of God I find Grace and Grace is good enough. I try and surrender my substance addictions, which include pot, to the care of my God and my God is big enough to give me Grace if I put it in God’s care and don’t take it back. I have lost the obsession to use. Just for today I try to face life on life’s terms.

Life has not always been easy for me in my recovery. There has been heartache, family crises, mental health crises and relapses with hospitalizations with one episode leading to adverse reactions to medications leading to an overdose on medication and then to stabilization on a different anti-psychotic medication.

Regardless of the difficulties in my recovery I have had many joys in my recovery and I have had a number of successful dreams come true. I have had decent relationships and I have contributed in life and to my communities and some small ways. I have also tried to help people in this continuing journey of not smoking pot or drinking in many one day one day one days after another.

Today I know I have this one day – this moment. Many, many people have helped me in my recovery. Many people have helped me in my life. God as I understand God to be has helped and this is Grace and Grace is enough. Thank you for reading. Be well today.

When living with a concurrent disorder some of us will find that we need an overhaul in our spiritual lives when we come into one day at a time recovery. Many of us welcome this endeavor as a path to contentment.

I know that when I lived with grandiose or paranoid delusions I found great relief when I learned to take myself off of the pedestal or the chopping block. Should I begin to entertain delusional thinking today I know that I am not the Christ or the anti-Christ. I know that I am not a prophet or a false prophet and when such thoughts develop in my thinking patterns I say that I am just a regular person. I do not beat myself up for such thoughts and I try to be gentle with myself like any compassionate person would be with another person with mental illness.

When I get down on myself and the old negative tapes (vagrant thoughts) continue on in my head a centering prayer leads to a gentle nudge to myself from what I would call a breath from a higher power which I believe has Grace to do so. I also believe that medication, for people like me, can get and keep us well enough for healthy spirituality.

There are times that I just want to silence the angry voice in my head that seems to be a part of my life so I do turn to centering prayer. Like others that I know I use the Jesus Prayer ( the Sinner’s Prayer ) or the short version of the Serenity Prayer. And yes I know that I am no saint. Just like a lot of people with addictions I was an incredibly self centered person. I do a bit better today.

I will never be perfectly well in this life but I can be well. I can be reasonably happy and content. It is of paramount importance that I don’t pick up that first toke or drink today. I maintain a few friendships and I partake in my responsibilities the best that I can. I take an active role in my recovery and I ask for help. I also treasure hope, love, and joy. I try and live in this day. Healthy spirituality is peace of mind. Haven’t people with mental illness suffered enough. Give yourself a break. Thank you for reading. Be well today.