Those of us who live in one day at a time recovery eventually understand that each day is a gift. Many of us believe that each day when we rise that God, the Spirit, the Universe, or whatever we conceive this great power to be awakens us. Each day then becomes whatever it will be. We really don’t know what it is meant to be, so we participate as wholly and lovingly as we can. Many of us ask this great power for help and direction in facing this day. We ask for the strength, the blessing, and the grace to remain free of the act of consuming intoxicants. We also ask for the ability to fulfill our tasks and responsibilities. This is a simple exercise in humility. Our day can be screwy, disappointing, and just plain hard. We reach out and get through it. Some days are tragic. We cannot pretend to know why but we reach out and face them as best as we can. This is reality. It is hard to see a gift in these days. Then there are the days that our days are good days. The world seems to smile at us. Our gratitude brings with it humility and wellness. This is when the day goes well and we are aware of it. We appreciate these days and the joys they can bring. So every day we are awakened we recognize we are awakened and we recognize this with humility. We know we don’t have to face them alone. Whatever we do we need not give up. One day at a time we know we are not alone. We are learning to turn it over and to ask for help. This in itself is a miracle.
Those of us who live in one day at a time recovery learn to let go of bad reality. Bad reality is our past struggles and pains that keep us from living in the present. These struggles and the pains grow from the harms and ill actions that we have experienced as ill people. Bad reality is a distorted reality that tells us we are not worthy of love and belonging. Perhaps we have done wrong to others, or we have had wrong done to us, and we cannot let it go and move on. Bad reality distorts the present. Those of us living in one day at a time recovery know bad reality all too well. When we reach out and talk about it bad reality stays in the past. We then learn to let it go. Some of us need medication to see a true caring and loving reality. We become aware. Many of us write focusing our thoughts on our present reality. The intrusive condition of bad reality is minimalized for many of us. We can still have bad days but we learn to let go. Now we are really living one day at a time.
Many people living in one day at a time recovery know that we cannot force freedom. In reality we didn’t understand freedom. When we were not in recovery we couldn’t take responsibility for our own well-being. Without responsibility we thought we were free. We did not see that the disabling affects of our disorders had us leading an unmanageable and sometimes distraught life. Some of us lost touch with any sense of reason while we pondered such things as suicide as a final act of freedom to escape the bounds and the pains of human existence. Some of us wept uncontrollably so depressed that we felt nothing but pain. And still we thought we were free. Today those of us in recovery know freedom is taking responsibility for our recovery and we know we cannot force freedom on anyone. We reached out for help. We stopped the using and drinking. Some of us needed medication to be healthy. Some of us started to realize being responsible for our recovery is freedom. We started to accept that life could be hard. Even those of us who yet to this day live with the disabling affects of our disorders have manageable lives, maintain healthy relationships, and live as reasonable and happy people. We know when we responsibly participate in our own recovery we have escaped our chains. We, like so many others, know we couldn’t have our freedom forced on us. Today, even during the days that are difficult, we are grateful that we can be responsible and free. This is a gift of one day at a time recovery. It’s free.
Those of us who live in one day at a time recovery are like soldiers who can forget our ranks. We had tried to control our addictions and fought like hell to do so. We continued to fight and we refused to surrender to the idea that we could not win the war of control, and there were times we as soldiers became casualties because of this. Sometimes some of us were wounded and as we were wounded some of our loved ones were were wounded with us. This was all happening because we went to war to control something that time and time again positively controlled us. Many of us found out that what we had to do was surrender to a new idea which was to stop completely. Just stop, reach out, get help, and accept if we don’t take the first one the war of control is over. And when we did this we knew we would have to stay on guard. We then knew that there were other soldiers like us who were no longer fighting the war of control. We knew we had scars but we learned to heal. One day at a time we forgot our ranks and we became reasonable and reasonably happy people. Our lives weren’t perfect but we began to know how to be happy, joyous, and free. We discovered gratitude and contentment. Many of us had and still have professional help. Some of us need to take medication. We now know we are experiencing the gift of acceptance. Today we are well.
Some of us who live in one day at a time recovery are people living with disabilities. What many people don’t realize is living with a a major mental illness is more than a major inconvenience. Some of us are disabled. More often than not we appear to be like the non-disabled person. We appear to have a degree of intelligence as any average person might have, but when outside of our routine we struggle and life can be very difficult. We cannot function and adapt like regular people do. If you’re not living with a mental health disability we don’t expect you to understand. For some of us it is impossible to find and maintain gainful employment. Some of us struggle so badly that we cannot have or maintain healthy relationships. And still some of us cannot have or fulfill reasonable and realistic goals. And in trying to do so, many of us suffer greatly. One of our true realities is we do love and value other people. Our one day at a time recovery has made it possible that we do work casually or part-time and maintain a few healthy relationships. Our goal planning becomes simple and realistic even though we struggle with outlandish plans and ideas. With love and support we can adapt to a reasonable and reasonably happy life. And we also understand being happy, joyous, and free. Our reality though is living with a major mental illness is more than a major inconvenience. It is difficult and disabling. Nonetheless we walk our path with love and hope living life one day at a time.
Those of us who live in one day at a time recovery learn about our sins and character defects. In the beginning of self examination we were victims of others. We believed we were the results of others’ harm and neglect. We couldn’t see ourselves as flawed beings in both nature and action. The reality we needed to face was we are people with an illness. We also learned that our sins and our character defects were parts of our nature and our coping skills. More often than not mental illness and intoxication distorted our character and mutated our nature to a point that we ourselves were out of control. We lost touch with a healthy, coherent, and sensible reality. We needed help. Many of us needed medicine to realize we were ill. We became responsible for our recovery. We became responsible for ourselves and we were no longer victims. When we saw this we became aware that we are decent people worthy of love and belonging. We know we have our flaws. Today we have a healthy, coherent, and sensible reality. One day at a time.
Those of us living in one day at a time recovery have learned how to move through difficult times. Moving through difficult times is necessary in order for us to be able to grow. Challenges, grief, heartache, and loss aren’t necessarily just opportunities to grow. They are painful. But the reality is we have to grow to move through them. Challenges we persevere. Grief we process and eventually accept. Heartache we hurt, we lose, and we grieve, and loss, we let it go (just a few thoughts touching on these subjects). More often than not we have to reach out to professionals. Those of us who are in recovery know acceptance and letting go goes a long way in moving through difficult times. It’s difficult. That is why it’s called difficult times. Moving through difficult times teaches us that. God grant us the serenity to accept what we cannot change, courage to change what we can, and wisdom to know the difference.
I dropped my pen today
Such a plastic click
On a cold cold kitchen floor.
I recalled such empty times
a harsh and painful place.
Clawing, grasping,
praying to be ransomed
from life and its unforgiving loneliness.
Yet my pen was bold
to right my world,
your world our world
and the chaos on the evening news.
Thus I reach and hold my pen
with the gathered paper I embrace
for love is kind it is not pain.
And these gentle time are quite suffice
like a sunny day’s soft whispered kiss,
thus what I forge are words just words
for I will be and still I am
the lover’s hope the soldier’s peace
and the rhymes that little children say.
I dropped my pen today
such a plastic click
on a cold cold kitchen floor.
Those of us who live in one day at a time recovery know that we can have feelings of melancholy. These are not feelings of depression or suicidal thinking and they don’t necessarily mean we are unhappy. This happens to us when we are in deep thought and for no apparent reason we are sad. More often than not it happens when writing poetry. And often there is a go to phrase that will that reveals to us that we are not unhappy. Thus the words being reasonably happy. In other words, we’re ok. This is an inside view of the minds of many people living with, or recovering from mental health disorders and addiction. As the story goes, we need turn it into art, or at least into a conversation that others will understand. We need share this melancholy with others. To give and to get we need reach out. We are not alone.
Those of us who live in one day at a time recovery know that our troubles are not always just us. Our circumstances and our environments often play a role in our difficulties. People say that money can’t buy happiness. Would we say that if circumstances caused us to live with an income below the poverty line, or if we are the working poor. Would we say that if we were facing eviction and there are no affordable rentals anywhere within the area we live. And what if we are living in abusive relationships. Sometimes it is not so easy to just up and move. For both women and men (it’s a reality). And then there’s living with a mental illness (if you don’t you can’t understand). If you want to change it, merit people more than what the existing system of meritocracy merits us. We’ve adapted to it. It’s not always us.