I can remember a number of years back and what I remember was that I was cleaning an apartment for a couple to move into because I was moving out. It was a decent apartment and the couple that were going to move into it came over to check the place out that evening. They wanted to see how their soon to be home was coming along.
The man asked me if I wanted a beer as I was working and I replied to him no thanks. He had asked me why and I had told him that I couldn’t handle it and that I believed that people who couldn’t handle booze shouldn’t drink.
His partner looked at him and told him that he should listen to what I had said.
Today I think of that old lie of denial – “I am only hurting myself”.
Today I can write that I have an allergy to alcohol and should I willingly or unwillingly take a drink there is a really good chance that I could and almost certainly have an adverse reaction to it because of that one drink. In addition to this I know that this could happen to me if I did decide willingly or unwillingly to do a puff or any number of other agents to catch a buzz.
When wrapped up in these negative addictions I found that I drank or used when I did not want to. I woke up in places in which I had no idea where I was or how I got there and I would do things that I probably would not do if I hadn’t gotten wasted. Blackouts and the other earlier mentioned events are real life and terrifying.
The cravings to consume something to catch a buzz are very real. Even if what I was using was supposed to only form a psychological dependency I do know how it feels to be powerless over such things such as pot. And the booze, most of the time I became wasted. Positively wasted.
Anyone who got wasted like I did would probably want to stop if they did a history of what went on when they had gotten wasted. You know – the ruined relationships, the broken homes, the absolute waste of money, treating family like strangers and strangers like family just to name a few things that go along with addictions and dependencies.
I needed professional help to get clean and sober and I still need it from time to time. I also need help from my family and friends. Today I give back and try to help others. And I play an active role in my home and at work.
Today just for today I live my recovery one day one day one day like many many many people do. Be well today.