Those of us who live in one day at a time recovery are quite familiar with the noise that blinds us. We look in the mirror and the noise tells us we don’t measure up. The noise tells us we are no good. This noise tells us we will never be brave enough to be a decent human being. It tells us we are unworthy of love. This noise also tells us we will never fit in. It tells us we will never be happy. It doesn’t matter where this blinding noise comes from. Recovering people know how to help us see again. When they look at us they see beautiful people who more than measure up. Just listening to them we see we are brave and decent people. They tell us we are worthy of love, that we belong, and that living in recovery will help us to be happy. When we started to see we looked in their mirrors for our mirrors told us lies. We began to see ourselves the way they saw us. We could also see the beauty in creation. One day at a time we became grateful seeing the world for what it truly is while being able to overcome strife. Not only had we been blind but we were also deaf. We listen to the voices of experience when the noise comes back and we say – “I am a good child of the Creator and I am brave enough to know I am a decent, beautiful human being worthy of love and happiness. I belong in this world to grow and thrive as all children do. This I do believe and I will always remember.” One day at a time.
Those of us who live in one day at a time recovery know that gratitude is an invitation to belonging. And when we know this, we know belonging is the gift of being loved. And in so, this gift of belonging reveals to us that we are grateful to be alive. We have learned to love ourselves and our commitment to being, and staying healthy, one day at a time. We find ourselves on an imperfect journey of acceptance and wellness. Sometimes we grow in leaps and bounds. Sometimes we stumble, stutter, and fall. Nonetheless we stand again, belonging in the mystery of our journey, hoping our eyes will be open to the joys we shall find and the lessons we can learn. Grace will no longer be a mystery and we shall gratefully acknowledge being aware we are as valuable to life as the gift of the rising sun. We can smile, or we can weep, because we now know no matter what, we belong.
Many people living in one day at a time recovery know everyday brings hope. We don’t have to feel, experience, or know we have hope. It’s not a matter of faith, trust, good deeds, or anything that we have done that merits us this reality. There is hope everyday because of pain, sickness, death, and tragedy. It is because chains, terror, cruelty, and ill will supersede any act of decency or kindness. It is because want gets twisted into greed, addiction, and to the very least obsessive want. It’s because life gets so selfish we don’t even care enough to share the air that we breathe or the water that we drink. It’s because we wage war with our neighbors because we want what they have or they are a threat to our sanctimonious belief of ourselves, our God, and our society. Everyday we awaken we know this pain, this wrong, and this truth. We shed the tears, we heave the sighs, we sob the sobs, and we know the dark deep days of depression. But still we sing, we smile, we work, we laugh, and we can be exceedingly grateful. People marry or form unions of togetherness. Kindness and charity is a part of our lives. Children are born and they sing their funny rhymes. And even poets can smile. What else could we do but believe their is hope everyday. Hope is because it has to be. It’s a kin to love. There is no other reality.
Those of us who live in one day at a time recovery know one thing. That one thing that we do know is that we do suffer. The Buddha said it is a part of life. We who have been alone, captured in the despair of our addictions and the pains of mental illness know that life is suffering. The sad thing about it is we will even suffer while in recovery. Another sad thing is suffering puts a strain on relationships. Life isn’t always about me. We need learn this. Another reality though is we do need support in organizing our agendas. We people in one day at a time recovery know we need to reach out. No-one should have to organize an agenda on living with life’s suffering by themselves. Even Christ needed friends. That was part of his message. Please reach out. One day at a time.
Those of us living in one day at a time recovery eventually learn the meaning of I can’t. The first thing we learn is when we have to say I can’t it doesn’t mean I won’t. I can’t is a reality and it is not merely just setting a boundary. It means I don’t have or I simply cannot do. Saying I can’t is difficult when our hearts become involved. You cannot turn a pickle back into a cucumber once it has become a pickle. You just can’t. We learn even when we have empathy, concern, and love for others, the reality of I can’t is not harsh, cold, or uncaring. Some things we cannot do. I can’t is a life lesson we learn. It’s a life reality.
Those of us living in one day at time recovery are capable of learning we aren’t others. Not everyone lives with disorders such as ours. We need respect this. Even though we respect this reality, we maintain the availability of our experience for others who possibly might develop disorders such as ours. If asked, we let them know we understand. Although we understand we are not others, we have a grasp of their pain. If others are to get buzzed or wasted without harming themselves, or others, most of us accept this. If they can be responsible while doing so we accept this. Many of us in recovery know how to live and let live. That sad thing that many of us have seen is others can be like us but they hide it well. Sometimes it’s too late. Please reach out.
Many people living in one day at a time recovery practice making peace with anxiety. Often we do so in centering prayer focusing on the idea we need help. Or some would say, “I am stressed to the max and I need a break. God grant me the serenity.” When anxiety has us backed up against a wall, as anxiety is more than capable of doing, the answer some of us find is to retreat. Some of us, when asked to do a task that simply overwhelms us might have to say that we can’t. When questioned why some of us say, at times in tears, we just don’t have the courage to do it today. For some of us this takes a lot of courage to even say this. It’s the farthest thing from weakness that we will ever know. This is the premise for weekends off, vacations, mental health days, and personal days. We know of many situations and activities that we cannot, or do not want to do. Anxiety is no joke and often we need to retreat from the stress that causes it. When we realize how courageous it is to make peace with anxiety we often are finding we can participate in our lives and our responsibilities with optimism and wellness. It is a one day at a time reality for everyone.
People living in one day at a time recovery sooner or later realize the lack of interest we had in one day at a time living. When we realized we had the opportunity to find, and practice this ideal, as many others did, we too could become well. The thought of wellness was just a pipe-dream, because we had tried so many times but we always fell short of finding good health. We often thought of ourselves as people who were going insane. Little did we realize there was others who had thought the same way. We met these people in hospitals, rehabs, and support groups. The professionals told us we would meet these people there. But these people we met were not insane like us. They seemed healthy. And they were. They took life one day at a time and we could relate to their stories. Then we realized we had heard someone say something about living life one day at a time on television. And then we realized one day a time living seemed possible. The strange thing was after that our lives began to change. Others started asking us how we became so well. They had heard we were in the hospital and they could see a change in us. The tomb stones were no longer in our eyes. We told them we would gladly tell them if they wanted to get together sometime and then we told them we live one day at a time. It was up to them now.
I dropped my pen today
Such a plastic click
On a cold cold kitchen floor.
I recalled such empty times
a harsh and painful place.
Clawing, grasping,
praying to be ransomed
from life and its unforgiving loneliness.
Yet my pen was bold
to right my world,
your world our world
and the chaos on the evening news.
Thus I reach and hold my pen
with the gathered paper I embrace
for love is kind it is not pain.
And these gentle time are quite suffice
like a sunny day’s soft whispered kiss,
thus what I forge are words just words
for I will be and still I am
the lover’s hope the soldier’s peace
and the rhymes that little children say.
I dropped my pen today
such a plastic click
on a cold cold kitchen floor.
When creative people lose their peace they might lose their ability, or their drive to create. Those of us living in one day at a time recovery, who are creative and have lost our peace will turn this into a rest period. It is not simply lack of inspiration that is holding us back. We see our creative ability is in a state of rest. Our inspiration is still there. We still see the good, the bad, the beauty, or the harshness of life. Our inspirations are ever present, as always, but we as creators are resting. Perhaps we are pondering the idea of why are we creating at all. For many of us creativity is a form of worship and a way of service. Creatives understand this. We haven’t fallen, but we are resting. All people need rest. When in rest creatives go deep inside. What are we searching for? We don’t know. It’s a reality for creatives. All we can say is it is what it is and what will be will be.