Many people living in one day at a time recovery talk about living happy, joyous and free lives. Some people new to recovery have difficulty believing us when we say such things. They wonder don’t we ever feel sad or depressed or even at times despondent? Do we ever feel trapped by responsibilities and musts? In reality all we can say is of course we do. Recovery is living in reality and reality can be difficult. In reality though, we are living in relationship with the otherness. In other words we don’t have to face life alone and we believe in our inextricable connection to each other and to God, the spirit or the universe. We know that seasons change. What we have discovered is the new happiness, the new joy and the new freedom of belonging with the ability to live in reality with the capability of being responsible while taking part in recovery and life. This is the gift of a modern day miracle. It’s called gratitude. Why wouldn’t we say we are happy, joyous and free. We found it one day at a time. Peace.
Many people living in one day at a time recovery have been conditioned by fear and shame. Some of us have been told that we are being influenced by self-centered fear. We become afraid to reach out for help when we need to. It’s not pride that keeps us from reaching out. It’s the uncertainty, fear and shame that has been instilled in us from years of being conditioned by life’s situations and lack of control reinforced by the response of others when we reached out at vulnerable points in our lives. Often it is a societal response based on a messed up system of meritocracy. Those who love us do not respond in such a way. They help us to help ourselves. Nonetheless reaching out is hard. We know this. In reality we know we are not alone. Living in recovery teaches us this. Peace.
Many people living in one day at a time recovery understand the reality of turning the page. When we do as such we are about to understand the experience and the reality of the unwritten day. What we will uncover could be the writing of something familiar or something totally unknown. In reality many of us read these writings paying no attention to what is on this new page as we ruminate about past pages that were written long ago. We are getting nothing out of the newly turned pages during such ruminations. Sooner or later we learn we are the ones who are writing these pages. When we do this we often change the script and not only do we turn the pages but we start a new chapter. Writing new chapters and turning the pages become liberating endeavors. We learn to let go of the past pages that had become prisons in themselves. Each time we turn a new new page we are writing about hope. We also discover we can pay attention as we read these newly written pages. In as such we are learning we grow. This is the reality of the written word setting us free as we turn the page. We are learning to let go and take ownership of our stories. Some of us do so in therapy or with spiritual advisors. In our reality we turn the page. Peace.
Some people living in one one day at a time recovery experience an interesting development in vulnerability. For those of us who live with disabilities we understand the possibilities of lessening independence and also the difficulties of doing the best we can with that which is within our lessened ability. Another interesting development is that vulnerable people are usually humble enough to accept this situation. We know this reality and we adapt the best we can. Another reality is loss of independence and being disabled are the bearers of shame and frustration. To get past this we must be given enough grace to be comfortable in our own skin. In truth society should provide this for everyone. Regardless this still is a lonely journey for many people. Often God, the spirit or the universe has prepared us for this. We will be okay. Peace.
Many people living in one day at a time recovery understand the search for otherness. We understand that the otherness we desire to experience is part of an inherited make-up which has made us living breathing human beings with the need to belong to something bigger and astronomically more powerful than ourselves. For some of us it as as simple as going fishing. For some of us it is a belief that all people are inextricably connected in the human existence. Also many of us choose to call the otherness God, the spirit or the universe. In our recovery when we take a simple breath we experience the reality of the otherness. The otherness pulls us out of the dark places of our journeys letting us know we are not alone and we belong. We also get to know happiness and joy. In this we understand grace. This is our imperfect humble one day at a time recovery. Peace.
When you ask people in one day at a time recovery how life is going they might answer that it’s mostly good enough – sometimes worse – but often better. This is the reality of actually living in imperfect one day at a time recovery. This is the gift of being comfortable in our own skin which in itself brings with it varying degrees of gratitude. It doesn’t mean we don’t have confusion and doubt. Nor does it mean we won’t have heart-ache, pain and hard times. These difficulties are the sometimes worse days. But in reality and recovery the days are mostly good enough. They’re doable, likeable and usually pleasant days in which we understand what being comfortable in our own skin really is which is good. Then there are the days that are better than good. On these days we understand grace. Mostly good enough – sometimes worse – but often better. It’s reality. Peace.
Just having coffee with a friend is a good way to step out of the stress of daily life. We, who live in one day at a time recovery, can know the stressors of work and its commitments. We also have other stressors. Perhaps we have recovery obligations or we have volunteer work that we have to do. We have people depending on us. Maybe we should make that coffee a decaf. A decaf with a friend is better than going for just one of what we used to use, that in all honesty, can start the whole cycle of active addiction all over again. Most of us know this from experience. For most of us this isn’t our first chance at recovery. If we are paying attention we know better. Instead of using we can go for a coffee. Give and take happens during coffee conversations. It can be about nothing – it can be about something. It is whatever we make it. Go have a coffee because for some of us it’s a break from the aloneness that can plague us in our own minds. It works and we’re worth it. One day at a time.
People living in one day at a time recovery know that wellness requires commitment. Most people who have had a few years of recovery know that wellness accompanied by commitment will not result in perfection but that wellness accompanied by commitment results in imperfect recovery. Our exposure to life and its struggles reveal the sensitivity of our egos and our own self-involved internalized addicted way of thinking. We become our own worst enemy and some of us believe we can only be well when our recovery is perfect. We become well when we realize and accept that life and recovery are beautifully imperfect. Wellness accompanied by commitment give us the ability to participate in our own transformation. We become people living in one day at a time recovery instead of people who are victims of addiction. We become humble and grateful. This allows us to understand freedom from addiction. Peace.
Some of us living in one day at a time recovery can become emotional without even a hint of subtle warnings. Emotions of fear or panic that can become evident or appear at our work or our home can just seem to happen out of the blue and the reason why is because we feel unsafe, unready and unable to respond to the task or situation we are facing at that present time. Usually it is trauma that has created this sense of panic. At these moments we are doing our best to try and hold ourselves together. In our reality for that moment we are struggling. If we are not violent or threatening no-one needs to be afraid. Those of us who know us know that. We are more likely to cry than anything else. Trauma does that to people. Most of us aren’t even angry. We just feel threatened. This is imperfect one day at a time recovery. It can happen to anyone. Peace.
Many people living in one day at a time recovery learn that recovery is a learned skill. When we learn, and practice this skill for a few years we discover that the beginning is not the end. Some of us who began this journey called recovery found that after a bit of beginning recovery we thought we were at the end of our recovery, and although we wouldn’t say it we believed we had transcended to a point of recovery where we were no longer just living in recovery, we convinced ourselves we had recovered. This is the danger of egocentric thinking. Such thoughts can also threaten those who have lived many years of one day at a time recovery. Those of us who have lived imperfect recovery know this. The journey of one day at a time must continue one day at a time. We know that the thought of believing we are recovered can be a costly delusion. What we do know is we can be free and well one day at a time. That is good enough. It’s our inextricable connection with each other. Peace.