Be Well Today

As a person living with a psychiatric condition (schizo-affective disorder) and as a person who is concurrently  living in one day at a time recovery from addiction I must say that in my opinion that both afflictions, either alone or coexisting, are illnesses.

I do not believe in the concept that one simply needs to pull up their boots to overcome or as some might say conquer these diseases. People living with these concurrent illnesses more often than not need to be treated with what some would call contrary methods.

The fact that medication can be used to manage these disorders can be seen, by some people, as a counter productive treatment. More often than not medication is the life-line for people living with a mental illness which is coexisting with addictions. I must say that it can be successful and that is just the way that it is.

Disorders like anxiety and depression can become life-threatening afflictions. Often when coexisting with addictions it can be clearly seen that managing these concurrent conditions together recovery can be more successful instead of treating just one or the other. People can become well. And remember this – we are people.

Some people will self medicate to deal with mental health conditions and this could lead to a worse affliction than that is already present. An example of this is when a person who is living with depression decides to use alcohol to feel better. More often than not it makes conditions worse than they are at that time. Life and health can be put at risk.

Substances such as alcohol or other drugs can make it difficult to properly diagnose a mental illness. When one is properly diagnosed and treated recovery can be made possible. My recovery is based on living life one day one day one day at a time and using the right medication for the right condition. I have learned many coping methods from therapists, rehab programs, self-help methods, and I tie into a healthy form of spirituality to be reasonable, reasonably happy, joyous, and free. Life is not perfect and I live with adversity the best that I can. I am pretty well content or on the beam but I know that I do fall off the beam at times. That is when one needs supports and I know how to use natural and professional supports. I am not only a human being; I am a human being living.

Concurrent disorders can be successfully treated when the one afflicted with one participates in their recovery and then recovery is possible. We need to be responsible to participate and do the footwork needed to manage life and we need know that life is not always easy. Life is not as quick as technology can be and sometimes we simply need to live it. It can take time. Thank you for reading. Be well today.

I can remember a long long time ago I had said to a psychiatrist that I thought that I needed to go into a 28 day rehab in order to stay off of pot. He told that I would still have to say no when I finished the program. At that time I did not realize how true those words of wisdom really are.

Today I know that the only true way to stay off of pot is that if you do not take that first puff it is a guarantee that you will not get high. For the genius who thinks that you can still eat it that is true so just don’t take that first bite and for the even smarter addict just do not ingest it in any way or any form and you won’t get high. That includes breathing in second hand smoke or absorbing it through the pores or any other manner. In other words don’t get high and you will not get high.

Now if you want to stay off of pot a rehab program will help. Twelve step fellowships, professional supports, and faith in the God of your understanding will solidify your recovery one day at a time.

In my understanding of God I find Grace and Grace is good enough. I try and surrender my substance addictions, which include pot, to the care of my God and my God is big enough to give me Grace if I put it in God’s care and don’t take it back. I have lost the obsession to use. Just for today I try to face life on life’s terms.

Life has not always been easy for me in my recovery. There has been heartache, family crises, mental health crises and relapses with hospitalizations with one episode leading to adverse reactions to medications leading to an overdose on medication and then to stabilization on a different anti-psychotic medication.

Regardless of the difficulties in my recovery I have had many joys in my recovery and I have had a number of successful dreams come true. I have had decent relationships and I have contributed in life and to my communities and some small ways. I have also tried to help people in this continuing journey of not smoking pot or drinking in many one day one day one days after another.

Today I know I have this one day – this moment. Many, many people have helped me in my recovery. Many people have helped me in my life. God as I understand God to be has helped and this is Grace and Grace is enough. Thank you for reading. Be well today.

Many days I deal with stress the same way that many many people do. Sometimes I take the 15 minute walk to the nearby coffee shop and I have a decaf coffee and I write. I do this to quiet the noise that stress creates in my head.

The walk is nice and the writing might be the only positive way that I can express the frustration that is bottled up in my body and my brain. Sometimes it is the complete solution to my difficulties; sometimes it is simply the beginning of stress release. Seeing pleasant people and the short conversations that can also start up are pleasant release .

I also try to eat appropriate meals at appropriate times whenever possible.

I will also do housework to help arrange my living environment into a comfortable safe haven. This does wonders for me.

Today I watched and listened to youtube videos which were a great release. I call this a relatively healthy stress release.

Also I try and live in the peace of the moment being clean and sober and I talk to a recovering friend. And in this day – this one day one day one day I can say that I am well. It is something to just let it go. Takes work but it works. Be well today. Thank you for reading.

I can remember a number of years back and what I remember was that I was cleaning an apartment for a couple to move into because I was moving out. It was a decent apartment and the couple that were going to move into it came over to check the place out that evening.  They wanted to see how their soon to be home was coming along.

The man asked me if I wanted a beer as I was working and I replied to him no thanks. He had asked me why and I had told him that I couldn’t handle it and that I believed that people who couldn’t handle booze shouldn’t drink.

His partner looked at him and told him that he should listen to what I had said.

Today I think of that old lie of denial – “I am only hurting myself”.

Today I can write that I have an allergy to alcohol and should I willingly or unwillingly take a drink there is a really good chance that I could and almost certainly have an adverse reaction to it because of that one drink. In addition to this I know that this could happen to me if I did decide willingly or unwillingly to do a puff or any number of other agents to catch a buzz.

When wrapped up in these negative addictions I found that I drank or used when I did not want to. I woke up in places in which I had no idea where I was or how I got there and I would do things that I probably would not do if I hadn’t gotten wasted. Blackouts and the other earlier mentioned events are real life and terrifying.

The cravings to consume something to catch a buzz are very real. Even if what I was using was supposed to only form a psychological dependency I do know how it feels to be powerless over such things such as pot. And the booze, most of the time I became wasted. Positively wasted.

Anyone who got wasted like I did would probably want to stop if they did a history of what went on when they had gotten wasted. You know – the ruined relationships, the broken homes, the absolute waste of money, treating family like strangers and strangers like family just to name a few things that go along with addictions and dependencies.

I needed professional help to get clean and sober and I still need it from time to time. I also need help from my family and friends. Today I give back and try to help others. And I play an active role in my home and at work.

Today just for today I live my recovery one day one day one day like many many many people do. Be well today.

I live clean and sober with a fairly manageable life as I live as a person who lives with a concurrent disorder. As I have often said I live life one day at a time and I am a person who lives a reasonable and a reasonably happy life. I know that I do well to remember  this each and every day.

I am a person who lives with an illness that tells me that I don’t have an illness. When these flights of fanciful thinking occur I do well to remember that I am not perfect. When I remember that I am not perfect it is easier to accept that I live with a concurrent disorder. When I remind myself that I have an illness I am reminding myself that using substances to catch a buzz or to get wasted or to make a decision to stop taking medication that is necessary for good health could easily bring symptoms of a concurrent disorder. I know that I am to accept that the I have an illness and that I can choose to live in recovery just for this day just one day at a time. To deny this knowledge that I know from from experience is a symptom of addiction and also a symptom of mental illness. It is called denial. Denial happens usually in early recovery but in reality it can happen at anytime to anyone.

An illness is an illness. Acceptance of illness is life and we all live our lives as people who live with the human condition of human imperfection. Denial is part of the human ego (the I am) that tells us that we are just too together to have have such a stigmatized condition such as a concurrent disorder because people who live with mental illnesses or addictions are weak. That last statement is as untrue as untrue can be. Illness is illness. A concurrent disorder can affect anyone.

Denial tells us that we are in control when we are buzzed or when we are wasted. Using once can lead us into I want and then it leads us into I need. We also find ourselves needing to use even when our whole being is screaming I don’t want to use. We know we are destroying our lives but we can’t stop. The I am of addiction has taken over and we get so ill we can’t see that we are ill and we are on the merry-go-round of our addictions. If we see that we are on this merry-go-round we can have a moment of clarity we can ask for help to get off. Often we can see that we need help. Many people cry out for help.

One way to find something positive in being a person who is afflicted with  a concurrent disorder is to find recovery from a concurrent disorder.

In my recovery I live my life one day at a time. I do not do this perfectly but I do do it well enough to be healthy enough to be reasonable and reasonably happy. For today my life is manageable today. I take the necessary steps to live in recovery this day and I use the tools that I have to help me stay well as I venture forth on this journey that is called life. Each day I ask the God of my understanding for help to stay clean and sober.

Illness is illness. Concurrent disorders are an illness or a combination of illnesses. Illness is the human condition of human imperfection. Denial of illness or human imperfection is a symptom of illness. Acceptance is a major tool of recovery

Thank you for reading. Be well today.

By the grace of God and with the help of a whole lot of people I have been managing my illness for quite a while (a whole lot of one days at a time). I am no expert on  all the ways of recovery or why I have these disorders but my recovery is working well today.

Many people have many ways of coping with life but as an addict/alcoholic living with a mental health disorder I know that I have to take life one day at a time. It is a redundant theme in my recovery writing because it works for me as it works for an almost countless amount of other people. I also write that I must abstain completely from pot and booze as I take medication as directed by a physician. I am grateful for the manageable life that I share with my wife Brenda and I am content and reasonable in this lifestyle called recovery.

I have examined my drinking and using history and I don’t ever want to be that out of control again. When one loses their ability in such things as blackouts and to be trapped by that ever burdening need to consume day in and day out just to try to function in your own skin or perhaps just to feel normal you feel the chains of addiction. Life becomes a never ending merry-go-round of chaos and loneliness when caught in active addiction. My only escape was to reach out for help and to turn to a God of my understanding and to meet with people who could no longer use or drink. There are many different kinds of groups with people who support each other in their goals to stay clean and sober. In my recovery I have participated in a few of them. I like to think I have helped a few people in my recovery but I really don’t know how much. Staying clean and sober I know that I can participate in life and I believe that I am better person for it. I also believe I am a little more dependable in my home life and in my close relationships. I am no saint but I know that I am growing as a person a little day by day and I know I can deal with adversity just a little better today.

I try not to beat myself up because I have these disorders. I have realized that there is a reason my life is such a broken journey but I can only speculate as to what it is. Perhaps it is so that I can find peace in me, with others, and with the God that is being revealed to me. The journey continues – life is life – and you take it one day at a time (for me).

I am a person who cannot drink or use because I can’t stop, moderate, or have any concept of responsibility whatsoever. Today I play an active responsible role in life. I am not a bad person I have an illness. I do well to remember this when life gets difficult and I internalize every problem I encounter. I am not responsible for other’s problems and I can’t fix other people. That is a difficult pill to swallow for those who are caretakers. Let go and let God. Just being a regular person is a bit foreign when you live with an unhealthy I am that tells you that you have to save everyone.

Remember that people with concurrent disorders have an illness. We are not bad people trying to become good people; we are sick people trying to become well people. I have an illness. Thank you for reading. Be well today.

When life gets busy at such times as the Christmas holidays I wonder if I lose a sense of living one day one day one day recovery when I get busy being caught up in this busy festive season.

In my life the holidays become a build up of Christmas shows, eating, decorating, eating, shopping, eating, church festivities, eating, seeing family and friends, eating, exchanging gifts, Christmas morning, eating, Christmas dinner, and eating and its December 29th and I am still eating. I am just now getting back to my one day be well today recovery blog and this writing feels good.

Now the real, or should I say the not so busy and stressful world is here once again. For those of us who live with mental illness the past little while could have been a very lonely and depressing time of the year. It was a reasonably good Christmas for Brenda and me and our families seemed to have survived it but that is not the way it is for everyone who lives with a mental illness or a mental illness with addictions. It is a sad and painful tragedy that not all of us survive the holidays.

Now as I have mentioned reality sets in. Work, chores, budgeting, and staying grounded have hit me hard tonight. Also the fact that in our area where Brenda and I live we could have four more months of winter weather and storms play with my coping level. Tonight we are safe at home and we will count that as a blessing.

Now as I think if I were to change anything I would like to be a little more active and manage my eating a little better one day at a time. This helps with anxiety.  Today wasn’t too bad for eating. Just for today.

As I venture forward with my recovery blog I am going to try and write shorter blogs at closer intervals starting in 2019. I might expand into different topics if something in life catches my attention.

I was glad to see the holiday season come and I am glad to see that it is passing. I really have nothing to resolve except that I would like to remain reasonably happy, joyous and free from substance addiction just for this day. I thank God for each new day which is a chance to be clean and sober one day at a time and to live well while facing adversity the best that I can with the support of my loved ones and my friends that live life in recovery one day one day one day at time. And I continue to take medication as prescribed by a competent physician.

Stress comes and stress goes. I have heard that this too shall pass. If you are reading this today I hope that you are well. I hope that your are reasonably happy and that you are content just for this day. I no longer try and fight my addictions as I know that one is too many and a thousand is never enough. I do not take that first one just for today. Thank you for reading. Be well today.