Many of us living in one day at a time recovery know that gratitude comes when we are well. It’s a part of most people’s lives when stress is low or manageable, and we more than likely are calm, happy, and breathing well. The key is the calm, and the relaxed breathing. When we have the calm and the relaxed breathing, we can have happiness and gratitude. Or we have gratitude and happiness. Very often gratitude and happiness feed into each other. Even if we only have relaxed breathing, we can find a calm from a stressor until our stress becomes manageable. And when stress is managed, one day at a time recovery brings us into the moment which is calm accompanied by easy breaths. We become happy and grateful. It’s more than an attitude. It requires action. It’s the gift of the calm.
Some of us living in one day at a time recovery can have difficulties with a problem. This usually happens in hectic and stressful times. We cannot seem to find the words and our communication skills go out the window. We don’t know what to say, how to say it, or who to say it to. This is the difficulties of living with a mental illness. All we know is we are communicating that we are not the problem but what we are trying to say is we have have a problem that we can’t solve and we need someone to solve it for us. Years of going with the flow, adapting and being flexible to work and home life, and trying to help others while you try and help yourself can be difficult and confusing. Years of being brave, competent, and helpful can disappear from panic and stress. Poor communication happens and all we can communicate is we are not the problem. We are communicating we have a problem and we need help. Gently guide us please. If we ask for help, please help us. We don’t need to help ourselves because right then we can’t help ourselves.
Some of us who live in one day at a time recovery are people living with disabilities. What many people don’t realize is living with a a major mental illness is more than a major inconvenience. Some of us are disabled. More often than not we appear to be like the non-disabled person. We appear to have a degree of intelligence as any average person might have, but when outside of our routine we struggle and life can be very difficult. We cannot function and adapt like regular people do. If you’re not living with a mental health disability we don’t expect you to understand. For some of us it is impossible to find and maintain gainful employment. Some of us struggle so badly that we cannot have or maintain healthy relationships. And still some of us cannot have or fulfill reasonable and realistic goals. And in trying to do so, many of us suffer greatly. One of our true realities is we do love and value other people. Our one day at a time recovery has made it possible that we do work casually or part-time and maintain a few healthy relationships. Our goal planning becomes simple and realistic even though we struggle with outlandish plans and ideas. With love and support we can adapt to a reasonable and reasonably happy life. And we also understand being happy, joyous, and free. Our reality though is living with a major mental illness is more than a major inconvenience. It is difficult and disabling. Nonetheless we walk our path with love and hope living life one day at a time.
Those of us living in one day at a time recovery learn that time is valuable. When we learn this we find that we have a need to set boundaries when others aren’t present in the situation. Very often we cannot blame the person who can’t be present because they don’t know that you are spending time with them as they are spending time with themselves. When this happens we have the choice of listening to their agendas and just let it happen, or we can set a boundary. Sometimes some of us will be the listener but we will let others know things like life is life. If they cannot, or will not be in the present with us, very often we need to set a boundary. Other people don’t have to value our time. We do. Boundaries are important.
Those of us living in one day at a time recovery know we need to be paying attention to life. The reason we do this is because much of our recovery is based on the decisions we make, the things that we do or don’t do, and the words that we say. Many of us call this doing a personal inventory. When we do this we will be people who care for others, and who wish to do others no harm. If we have done wrong to someone we try to amend it. Those six little words, “I was wrong” and “I am sorry”, can be difficult words to say. If we have to amend the wrong we have done, by further amends, this too can be difficult. We learn this in time. We know we are not trying to be perfect. Furthermore we know we will never be perfect but some of us do learn to stop the wrong before it happens. We have learned to pay attention. Paying attention has its advantages. It can keep us in the present. Those who can stay in the present can learn to forgive, heal, and let go of the past. Those of us who can stay in the present can look forward to the future. Those of us who are paying attention know when people are hurting, and we know if we can truly help these people. Another good thing about paying attention is we know when we are hurting. We know when to take a break and we know when we need help. Paying attention is the gift of the present moment. Listen to the silence. We can hear everything.
Those of us living in one day at a time recovery know that our recovery isn’t just a cause. We live the life, we feel and felt the pain, we hit the bottoms, and we’ve lost the people who have died because of our disorders. We’ve done the rehabs, the units, the hospitals, and the jails. And still we go to meetings, work the steps, and try to help people. Not just people new to recovery, but also people who been in recovery for a fair amount of time. That’s just the way it is. It’s our lives and it’s our survival. In some strange, but not so strange way, what many others consider as our weakness, has turned into our strength. We try and help each other. And some of us get the calls from people hoping we can help their loved ones. And we do the art, write the books, record the records, and make the films. When we do this we know that this is not just a cause. We do this so we can survive. We know it’s not just about me. So we have the coffees, go to meetings, work the steps, and try to help people. And if we’re doing it we know we are doing it. Sometimes we wonder if we’re doing it right and we ask God for help (if we’re one of those people who ask a God for help) and we just keep on living our recovery one day at a time. In reality we know the difficult, and we know how to go with the flow. We know how to be happy. Again, we know it’s not about me. Our recovery is not just a cause. It’s our lives.
Having a comfortable life is important for people who are living in one day at a time recovery. Comfortable life does not mean that we will have all the bells and whistles afforded to those living with upper class incomes. Comfortable living means that we can be content with what we have and that we don’t have to stress ourselves so much that we will become ill or dissatisfied with our lives. It is important that we learn and appreciate this as a gift that our recovery has brought us. Even those of us who have a limited income are capable of finding comfortable living (though it does need to be adequate enough to meet our necessities). Having a comfortable living means we are healthy. It also means that we are reasonable and reasonably happy. And this means we can be happy, joyous, and free. Not perfect but comfortable. Life will have its struggles but we will do well. One day at a time we learn the joy of comfortable living.
Those of us who live in one day at a time recovery are quite familiar with the noise that blinds us. We look in the mirror and the noise tells us we don’t measure up. The noise tells us we are no good. This noise tells us we will never be brave enough to be a decent human being. It tells us we are unworthy of love. This noise also tells us we will never fit in. It tells us we will never be happy. It doesn’t matter where this blinding noise comes from. Recovering people know how to help us see again. When they look at us they see beautiful people who more than measure up. Just listening to them we see we are brave and decent people. They tell us we are worthy of love, that we belong, and that living in recovery will help us to be happy. When we started to see we looked in their mirrors for our mirrors told us lies. We began to see ourselves the way they saw us. We could also see the beauty in creation. One day at a time we became grateful seeing the world for what it truly is while being able to overcome strife. Not only had we been blind but we were also deaf. We listen to the voices of experience when the noise comes back and we say – “I am a good child of the Creator and I am brave enough to know I am a decent, beautiful human being worthy of love and happiness. I belong in this world to grow and thrive as all children do. This I do believe and I will always remember.” One day at a time.
Those of us who live in one day at a time recovery know that gratitude is an invitation to belonging. And when we know this, we know belonging is the gift of being loved. And in so, this gift of belonging reveals to us that we are grateful to be alive. We have learned to love ourselves and our commitment to being, and staying healthy, one day at a time. We find ourselves on an imperfect journey of acceptance and wellness. Sometimes we grow in leaps and bounds. Sometimes we stumble, stutter, and fall. Nonetheless we stand again, belonging in the mystery of our journey, hoping our eyes will be open to the joys we shall find and the lessons we can learn. Grace will no longer be a mystery and we shall gratefully acknowledge being aware we are as valuable to life as the gift of the rising sun. We can smile, or we can weep, because we now know no matter what, we belong.
Many people living in one day at a time recovery know everyday brings hope. We don’t have to feel, experience, or know we have hope. It’s not a matter of faith, trust, good deeds, or anything that we have done that merits us this reality. There is hope everyday because of pain, sickness, death, and tragedy. It is because chains, terror, cruelty, and ill will supersede any act of decency or kindness. It is because want gets twisted into greed, addiction, and to the very least obsessive want. It’s because life gets so selfish we don’t even care enough to share the air that we breathe or the water that we drink. It’s because we wage war with our neighbors because we want what they have or they are a threat to our sanctimonious belief of ourselves, our God, and our society. Everyday we awaken we know this pain, this wrong, and this truth. We shed the tears, we heave the sighs, we sob the sobs, and we know the dark deep days of depression. But still we sing, we smile, we work, we laugh, and we can be exceedingly grateful. People marry or form unions of togetherness. Kindness and charity is a part of our lives. Children are born and they sing their funny rhymes. And even poets can smile. What else could we do but believe their is hope everyday. Hope is because it has to be. It’s a kin to love. There is no other reality.