Those of us who are living in one day at a time recovery sometimes know when we are hearing what we feel. When someone asks us to think of them we might hear dependency because we, ourselves, feel overwhelmed and are in need of support. Frustrated we say, “What do you want Me to do?” They answer us with a simple request for a prayer. We needed support and all they needed was a thought. We, when as newcomers are feeling on fire with our program tell our sponsors all they need to do to be in recovery and our sponsors ask us who is sponsoring who. Our feelings, a bit grandiose, think our sponsors need us to be their sponsors. This is another example of hearing what we feel. Perhaps we will learn after doing this too many times that we all have our own agendas. Now we are learning feelings are not always facts. How do we stop this? It just comes to us. It’s usually a nudge that comes to us a little after on and we realize what we are doing. It’s thinking with self. It comes and it goes. One day at a time.
Those of us living in one day a time recovery are witnesses to an act of love. We learn, as we grow, that empathy, care and concern are a three stage act of love. Sometimes we witness this act of love from our loved ones, or from some other person, or people. They feel for, and with us, when we are unwell. They become – with us. This is empathy. The second stage of this act of love is that they care for us. They take us to hospitals, detoxes, and treatment centers. They might even help us with other needs, or wants. Then they are concerned for us. This is the third stage of this act of love we are witnesses to. They pray, worry, and at times, even set boundaries if we simply refuse to help ourselves. They know we are ill but what more can they do. And while we have been witnesses to this act of love, we cannot fully recognize this unless we find recovery. We learn to see this love in doctors, nurses, case workers, recovering people, and others we come in contact with. In reality, we have been brought back to life. Be grateful.
Many of us who are living in one day at a time recovery know each and every day hasn’t happened before it happens. That makes each day an unprecedented day. We can fret or worry, or we can anticipate, with almost certainty – happiness, grace, and joy. The trump card is the surprise, or the unexpected. They happen every day, either the noticeable, or the unnoticeable. The noticeable trump card can make us aware of the unprecedented event of the day. The unnoticeable might be something as simple as a new blade of grass in a neighbors front yard. Each day is unprecedented. At times some of us experience a sense of newness during our moments of repetition. Days begin to seem all the same, but this sense of newness becomes an epiphany to our inner-senses. We recognize the unprecedented moment or event. We feel it and we realize that this event, or moment, has never happened before. More often than not it brings with it a sense of awe and a sense of peace. We know that change does happen and change will happen. We learn recovery is a journey and this unprecedented journey continues. One day at a time we find peace. We learn struggles will pass. We know how to be happy, joyous, and free. If we don’t know how, it will come to us. It’s part of the journey.
Many of us living in one day at a time recovery know the importance of the present moment. Very often the present is all that we have. Our difficulty is the present we are focusing on is really the future or the past. Present worry of the almost now, or the future now, can make living difficult in what we could call the anxious now. An unresolved, or unaccepted past can bring us into a regretful now. Neither are the now we have to experience. Calm breathing, pleasing surroundings, and focused sensory observations, in a viable fitting environment, bring us into the gift of the present moment. We use our senses to be aware. Stepping into awareness of the present moment leads us into dealing with life’s difficulties. We all have them. It’s reality. It’s acceptance and letting go. We need visit that present moment when we can. It’s important.
Those of us living in one day at a time recovery know that, at times, we have to accept difficulties. Sometimes life is about living the good and the bad. Even when we are going through difficulties, we might go through them with the knowledge that this too shall pass. We can put one foot in front of the other and just do what we can do. Acceptance and realistic participation, on our part, is more than likely all we can do. The difficulties that might be during these times is that time takes time. This can be a hardship, because when we are too stressed, we can become obsessed with the difficulty instead of the solution. We know that we need to let it go and let time take time. If we breathe and participate in self-care accepting difficulties will pass we can be okay. Experience has shown us this. One day at a time we can ask others for help and we can even pray a bit. We can very well find the sense of ease we usually have when we are less stressed and when our difficulties are few. We know that life is life and we just need live it. Anything else is a bonus. The universe is unfolding as it will. We will know peace.
Those of us living in one day at a time recovery know when responsibilities are becoming too difficult. We know when we are out of our routine, life can become full of anxiety. We might develop panic attacks, which are not only difficult for us, but also for those close to us. We can become people who have blinders on. All we can see is that we need help, and we need to ask for it without being desperate, demanding, or in any other way inappropriate. Hopefully the stress will break, and we will find ways to appropriately handle the responsibilities that have become so difficult. Others might help us with our difficulties, or we might have to let go of some of our responsibilities. We’ll be okay. We’re receiving the gifts of concern and assistance. One day at a time we let go of panic and become healthy again.
Many people who live in one day at a time recovery know that recovery is a marathon. We know that we do not sprint from day to day to day to day. The days go by fast enough even when we are pacing them. Sprinting causes us to burn out. We need strength for when we need to go uphill, and we need strength for when we need to go downhill. Both can be difficult. When we learn this, we learn that recovery is not a race. We are simply travelling a distance of recovery that we hope will be the length of a marathon. We might even walk a while, and as we meet others we enjoy it. This is the joy of the marathon. As we walk we will see sprinters running by. As we continue we will meet sprinters who have gone lame. We will help them and they too shall walk with us. These sprinters were lucky enough to have the opportunity to continue the marathon. Some sprinters simply faded away much too fast. So day to day we travel the marathon. Most of us walk enjoying our recovery. It’s not a race. Enjoy it!
Those of us who live in one day at a time recovery eventually understand that each day is a gift. Many of us believe that each day when we rise that God, the Spirit, the Universe, or whatever we conceive this great power to be awakens us. Each day then becomes whatever it will be. We really don’t know what it is meant to be, so we participate as wholly and lovingly as we can. Many of us ask this great power for help and direction in facing this day. We ask for the strength, the blessing, and the grace to remain free of the act of consuming intoxicants. We also ask for the ability to fulfill our tasks and responsibilities. This is a simple exercise in humility. Our day can be screwy, disappointing, and just plain hard. We reach out and get through it. Some days are tragic. We cannot pretend to know why but we reach out and face them as best as we can. This is reality. It is hard to see a gift in these days. Then there are the days that our days are good days. The world seems to smile at us. Our gratitude brings with it humility and wellness. This is when the day goes well and we are aware of it. We appreciate these days and the joys they can bring. So every day we are awakened we recognize we are awakened and we recognize this with humility. We know we don’t have to face them alone. Whatever we do we need not give up. One day at a time we know we are not alone. We are learning to turn it over and to ask for help. This in itself is a miracle.
Those of us who have been living in one day at a time recovery, think of other people with gratitude. Those who we learn to trust are simply gifts for us. They can take us out of our problems, or at the very least, be a sounding board. And when we see their faults and flaws, we see that they too, just like us, are human. Should we criticize them, we are probably seeing our own shortcomings. We need remember that faults, flaws, and shortcomings are not failings. They are a part of being a human being. Human beings who are living beings. Beings who are as important to us as the air we breathe. Often when in panic, they calm us, and help us find our breath. And they want nothing in return. These beautiful caring imperfect people do this because they care. We are learning, one day at a time, the gift of other people.
And I cry when they are happy
And I cry when they are sad
And I fight when they are vicious
And when they’re sane I am half mad
And their honor’s not my business
And their nights are sticks and stones
And their highs aren’t my decisions
And how they dig deep in my bones
And in the morning how they haunt me
And in my chills I cry to God
And how the music’s simply music
And how I hear my tears applaud
And how my heart knows it is fallen
And how my soul is stoned and chained
And how I utter and I utter
Crimson blood the page is stained
And how my love weeps in a ballad
Seven thousand drops of gold
And the poets they are laughing
And the gamblers bow and fold
While the minutes tick for hours
Deep within the months and years
While I rhyme at sobbing flowers
With a jester’s cloak of tears
And how the trees they search for sunshine
And how they wither without rain
Within a world lacking water
And the oceans have been drained
And how the stars they wander lonely
And the moon is never full
And how the comets are ripped shadows
Within this nothingness I mull
And how you feel the superficial
From those close and dear to you
For they shall never hear the voices
Nor shall they know the world is blue
And how you thank God for this blessing
And how you find a peace in this
Within this empty empty writing
Within this sadness full of bliss
And then a river smiles in calmness
And then the trees grow green and bright
And all this beauty’s simply stunning
And then the afternoon is light
And then the birds lay down a ballad
And the decaf taste so good
And how the children play in kindness
And all love is understood
And then the maple leaves are dancing
Within a gentle waltz of joy
And how my pen begins a journey
And then its ink’s a little coy
Of a magic born of wishes
Where goodwill is feeling well
And how I touched a piece of heaven
And I have walked another hell
For I had lost my pen while walking
And I was loaned one just to use
And how I lost an early sadness
And how I found a better fuse
And three times I sort of smiled
And how they turned into a grin
And how I thanked God for the moment
And how I watched the joy begin
And in this world how I welcomed
Every breath that I had drawn
Every teardrop that had fallen
Every morning’s breaking dawn
And in the quiet I found freedom
And in my chains there was a mirth
And every heartache that had hurt me
And then I understood their worth
And then I stopped to eat a cracker
And I had a piece of cheese
And then I drew a draught of water
That did much much more than please
And as my mood grew silent passive
Within this joy of solitude
And how I thanked God for the moment
And for this sweet soft interlude
And the TV had no motion
And how the radio was mute
And perhaps my pen was rapid
For which my mind could not dispute
That in the coming of the welcomed
Upon this Sunday afternoon
On this first day of September
Which seemed to come a little soon
As I walk I walk together
And not alone another mile
Within a true insane surrender
And I surrendered with a smile