Many of us living in one day at a time recovery really have use for a coffee and a pen. Often many of us have used a pen and morning coffee to plan our day. Perhaps while at home we plan a to do list for the day. While at work some of us must have our before work coffee as we brainstorm what we must do as our pen writes what we want to complete for this day. As we followed through with our tasks we crossed them off. Some of us would keep a journal of our daily experiences, our emotions, our setbacks, and our growth along our road of recovery. If we journaled in the morning we might have a regular coffee. If we journaled at night many of us sipped decaf. A pen and a coffee became our measuring sticks. We were able to see our tasks we completed and the roads we travelled. Because of this we saw our pen and our coffee became parts of our recovery tool kit. Also a pen and a coffee became poetry, lyrics, and stories for some of us. One day at a time we learned to cope and this became part of our peace.
Those of us living in one day at a time recovery learn to understand we receive gifts. We start to understand that all human beings are imperfect. We start to understand that there are flaws in our lives and in our recovery. Human imperfection becomes a gift. We start to accept this as we become older. It’s not just a whimsical discovery like “Oh well. Life happens!” Human imperfection helps us to realize the human condition causes much harm to people. We see ourselves not only as victims, but also as perpetrators. Many of us who live in one day at a time recovery sadly own up to this. Sometimes the idea of being happy, joyous, and free pisses us off because we know the demons of shame, guilt, and remorse. We see people die by suicide because of this. If only we could have told them this is human imperfection. And we wanted them to understand human imperfection is why we were and why we still can get messed up. We get through hard time not because it was a natural stage of growth but because we had no other choice. And should we be ones who were lucky enough to have made this choice we can tell you both us and life are imperfect. We learned to reach out and as we reached out it taught us two things. Empathy and reality. What might be difficult to understand is many people need discover this themselves. We also see the good in life even though we accept human imperfection. Human imperfection has led us to recovery. One day at a time living has taught us we are people and we pay it forward with empathy and reality. Life is worth it.
Many of us who live in one day at a time recovery try to believe in God. We find if there is something about this God is he, she, or whatever, truly cares. And we believe whatever this force does for one person it can do for others. Most of us are pretty sure we cannot completely comprehend the why or how. Our reality is we know this force is love. It has modelled for us the miracle of one day at time recovery through those who have shown us how to be happy, joyous, and free. We start to see that this amiable and caring power working through other people. As this power worked through other people we had first hand experience of the gifts of love and empathy. We began to find clarity and we understand grace. These are gifts. It’s simple reality.
The reality of one day at a time recovery is it is real. Those of us who live in one day at a time recovery actually discovered that recovery last for long periods of time. We discovered how to be reasonable and happy one day at a time. We discovered joy. Then we discovered tears because we had to try so hard for so little but others couldn’t understand. And you promised yourself you’d do better. After all you had to be a man. When you finally accepted you were disabled they told you others would love to have what you have. And you thought yes be grateful (it’s like you only lost one leg instead of two but you can write real swell. It doesn’t matter you are too blind to read). Just breathe and be well. This is one day at a time recovery for many of us and it’s reality is that one day at a time recovery makes it a little more manageable. We don’t try and catch a buzz or get wasted because we are grateful for reality. But the reality is sometimes we feel like we’re the beggars who were invited to the dinner and we are too afraid to enjoy the meal let alone have dessert. Maybe that’s how the prodigal son felt. It isn’t always like this but many of us have been conditioned to feel this way. The only way out of it is to believe in Grace. One day at a time.
Charlie is a cat who moved in with me and my wife, Brenda, in February of 2014. He’s a little shy but this beast will lie down beside me and Brenda, or me or Brenda, anytime we are lying down on our queen size memory foam mattress when either or both of us feel troubled or under the weather in any way. He is a support animal. This good natured friend is a bit of a beast (in size that is) and he’s not a fan of other cats, or dogs for that matter. We try and get him to behave himself but this ruffian has been known to come home a bit worse for the wear because of his shenanigans. As I was saying, he is a bit of a beast for a cat and often he is not a fan of being inside. He is greyish with hints of brown coating from the top of his head down and over his shoulders or haunches or whatever you call them and his ribs and his sides and the tops of his legs and over his tail. He has a black line running down the middle of his back and his tail with a few black rings at the end of his tail. He has black sort of partial tiger stripes interspersed throughout the mentioned parts, and this fine chap has white paws, a white belly, a white under chin, and white cheeks. We think this 10 year old cat as our baby.
One day I was out on my porch watching Charlie sitting attentively on the middle of our small lawn looking up at the sky. So I looked up and saw a huge bald eagle circling above perhaps 70 feet overhead in bold blue summer sky. Charlie wouldn’t stop looking.
All of a sudden the eagle dove from the sky. Quick as a second the eagle clutched Charlie from the soft green grass. My God! Why didn’t he run. In an instant this great bird was 50 feet overhead. My God!
At that split second the eagle let out a screech about 60 feet in the air. Charlie was falling out of its’ grip and the eagle was soaring clumsily away. Screeching a screech like I had never heard before. Charlie crashed to the grass with a bit of a thud about 15 feet away from me. My God! I ran to him. “Charlie!”
Charlie pounced to his feet. My God he’s alive! I looked in shock. I couldn’t believe what I saw. Charlie had an eagle foot in his mouth. He spit it out and smiled. This is the Legend of Charlie. Believe it or not.
I just needed a break tonight and felt like writing a story.
Those of us who live in one day at a time recovery have learned the world that is being sold to us might not exist. Recovery has taught us that we cannot maintain a perfect world forever. We have learned that often we would fall apart, before we had learned the imperfect journey of one day at a time recovery. We have now learned hospitals and treatment centers were there to help us. We learned that the sometimes amusing and often heroic families we admired on TV weren’t our families. And we thought we were going to be the misunderstood stars who would conquer our illness, and go on to be great people, and save our families and everyone else. When we learn that all people put their socks on one foot at a time, maybe then we can understand that one day at a time recovery can be amusing and heroic, but much of it is dealing with anxiety, depression, and messed up emotions and coping skills. And then we learn better coping skills. And maybe we will understand being misunderstood doesn’t make us a shining star. It makes us feel alone. Feeling no longer alone is what recovery is supposed to do for us. We learn that we are people. Real people. We become people who can live one day at a time clean and sober because when we use and drink our reality becomes distorted and we exist only for self. We didn’t know it and we couldn’t help it. It happens to people who are ill. Learn this because your happiness depends on it. People like me – we’re not preachers or teachers or prophets or leaders like some of us feel, or used to feel we were. We are simply people who know the alone. Not a little alone. The a lot alone. We feel it deep. Most people do at some point in their lives. Many of us need medication. Many people need medication and need to reach out. We will struggle. It happens. Families get mended to a degree. What we find is most of us are not in the same house anymore. Some of us move away. Some of us become estranged. Some lose or sort of lose contact. This has been going on for centuries. Illness has a way of doing this. Families have a way of being supportive if they can. The reality is that we have to become responsible for our own recovery. Then we learn how to live. We join support groups, recovery groups, hobby groups, creative groups, religious groups, and others. We have, and maintain a few friendships. We will be close to a select few. Day after day we grow, we fall, and we get back up and we grow even more. We no longer are sold on a perpetually perfect world. We no longer have to go through hell, and if we are we reach out. Most of us even know how to pray. Not only help, but thanks, and also wow. Anne Lamott said something like that (the help, thanks, and wow). People like us we reached out one day at a time. We know we don’t want to do it alone. We know all of us will always have something we need to learn. WE are all worthy of love and belonging no matter what any noise, or voice, or person has said to us. People like us, who do stuff like this writing, do it because we have something to say because of our empathy and our direction. It helps us and it helps other people. It’s being true to the spirit of recovery. This is living recovery one day at a time. The world can be good. This is our world. No one sold it to us. We live it. This is the real world. We become reasonable and reasonably happy people. We will understand gratitude. We have feelings like love and joy. We experience freedom. The idea is to try and pay it forward when you can. Peace
Many people living in one day at a time recovery keep our lives simple. After all, our lives are about being well, and being well is about being able to live in recovery. Those of us who have been in recovery for a fair amount of time must remember to keep recovery simple. We don’t have all the answers. Nor are we teachers or preachers. Our lives can be messy and difficult. Many days all is well. We know we are not perfect. Our claim is we are doing much better than we were before. We can still live with adversity. Our reality is that we have a wellness that keeps us content. We can be happy. It’s that simple. Some of us share our experience so others won’t have to feel alone. We’re not telling others what to do. We share what we do. We know taking life one day at a time is really important. Many of us take medication. We learn to reach out. Every day is a new beginning.
Those of us who live in one day at a time recovery will sooner or later realize we sabotage our joy. We also realize we can sabotage other people’s joy. Our nature, our fear, our upbringing, and our environment have a way of conditioning us to be such a way. We longed for acceptance, and at times praise, when deep down we felt unworthy of either. Trust me, there was plenty criticism and exclusion in our lives. Often our joy was sabotaged by others. We felt alone. We couldn’t share in others’ joys. And we felt others wouldn’t share in our joy. We sabotaged our own joy because of this. When in recovery we learned better. We became grateful for others. Some of them them brought us joy. We learned to stop sabotaging joy. Not only our own but others’ too. One day at a time recovery has a way of doing this for us. It’s not always easy and at times we catch ourselves stumbling back into a sabotage frame of mind. Life has a way of doing this to us. But we are learning and we are growing. We are becoming less critical. Gratitude has a way of doing this to us.
When subtle rain puts you at ease
The green of Summer’s maple trees
A morning’s coffee peace today
A small town’s quiet quaint café
An easy stroll in solitude
A morning’s smile when joy intrudes
A pen that rhymes without much thought
A cancer scare that you’ve forgot
A restful sleep a waking yawn
A warm and fuzzy welcomed dawn
A chocolate fix of dream’s delight
And last year’s pants that fit just right
When there’s toilet paper for everyone
When people put away their guns
When the milk of human kindness grows
When hunger stops and foodbanks close
When women do not not have to fear
The dark of night or what they wear
When angry drunkenness can end
When pollution stops and Earth’s our friend
A hope and prayer for world peace
The love of God that cannot cease
A visit from a friend of old
The placing of two bands of gold
A rising sun a moon that’s full
The mower you don’t have to pull
A sandy beach when work is done
A warm-up stretch an evening’s run
When subtle rain puts you at ease
The green of Summer’s maple trees
A morning’s coffee peace today
A small town’s quiet quaint café
An easy stroll in solitude
A morning’s smile when joy intrudes
A pen that rhymes without much thought
A cancer scare that you’ve forgot
A restful sleep a waking yawn
A warm and fuzzy welcomed dawn
A chocolate fix of dream’s delight
And last years pants that fit just right
Those of us who are living in one day at a time recovery know about our daily thank you. When we are awakened for the day our thoughts turn to our humble conception of God. With humility, we acknowledge our gratitude by giving thanks to this great power who is a power beyond our comprehension. Also we will learn to say thank you for the people who are in our lives. We will also learn to say thank you to these people for the blessings, grace, and love that they give to us. We will start to understand that our God often works through other people. As we become aware, we recognize we are not alone. Recovery is about reaching out and giving back. This is the balance of a natural life of responsibility. When our day is over we give thanks. Gratitude is now a part of our lives. As we experience a day that is like this we know we have had a good day. As we have more days like these we will believe we will have more. Even on bad days we will find something to be grateful for. That is also part of the natural balance of life and one day at a time recovery. It part of the journey.