People who live with mental health disorders and addiction understand desperation that is quiet and lonely. This quiet desperation is a longing to be well. It is a desperation for love and belonging. It is a desperation to be at ease within ones self. Quiet desperation is a part of living with a concurrent disorder, and it occurs when our troubles flow like waters through a crumbling damn. We have to reach out for help. Alone, at this time, is no place to be. Here is the upside of quiet desperation. When we reach out and get help to help ourselves we quietly begin to become healthy. Perhaps a doctor, a social worker, an addiction counsellor, a family member, a friend, a clergy member, or someone from a 12 step program can give us the help we need. For myself, I needed to be hospitalized, medicated, and I had to reach out to some of the other people mentioned above. It took time but this quiet desperation became a loud cry for help, and then it became the gift of desperation. I don’t have it all together. No one does. My life is humble, modest, and it has its adversities. I do reach out and in my own way I freely give back.
People who are living in one day at a time recovery know that there are times when giving grace is more difficult than others. It can bit difficult to give grace when we are hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. It can be difficult to give grace when we are in physical or emotional pain. It can be difficult if we lack the ability to empathize with a person in need of grace. It can be difficult for those of us who can have the tendency to be self-centered or self-serving. This is the nature of some of us but some still do reach out and extend the hand of grace. When we are well, giving grace is a fairly common occurrence for us. During challenging times giving grace can be difficult but some people, no matter what, know the importance of always giving grace. Grace is always a God thing.
Most people who are living in one day at a time recovery are people who know about receiving grace. We received it from our parents, children, and other members of our families. We received it from our employers and our co-workers, our friends and our communities. In addition to this some of us have received grace from the courts, peace officers, and the government (or so the people who vote for them). And some of us have received it from other people we have hurt. Those of us who choose to believe that there is a God out there, who we know is beyond our comprehension, know one thing for certain. Most of us wouldn’t be alive today, and in recovery, if it wasn’t for the grace of this God. We receive grace, perhaps confused, but grateful. We might even ask why? Grace is a gift we did not merit. It is born of love, hope, and charity. And we also will give grace. One day at a time.
Those of us who live with mental health disorders and addiction often have lived lives that were out of control. Often, a crisis occurred, and we ended up in a hospital or a treatment facility for addiction. While there we had a taste of wellness. The ideal idea is to carry this taste of wellness with us when we are discharged. Many of us sought treatment on an outpatient basis. We learned what some of us call tools to help us in our recovery. Some of us joined support groups to help us manage our disorders. Many of us learned to take life one day at a time. Many of us learned to turn to some form in which we understood God to be. We recalled a day in our lives when we were desperate and said, “God help me”. Not knowing who, what, or how, we just prayed. Something happened and we received a taste of wellness. Many of us still carry this wellness with us after many years of one day at a time living. Our lives are not perfect and we don’t always have it all together. Still, we are well.
Some people who live in recovery from mental health disorders and addiction are now drinking water. Many of us who liked to drink alcohol had no sense of drinking it in moderation. We stopped drinking alcohol and we started drinking coffee. We found we drank a lot of coffee. It created bouts of anxiety and we found it difficult to sleep. We switched to decaf. It helped. We then started drinking water. It helped too. We found that we could fill a water bottle at home and carry it with us. We started saving money and helping the environment. Water is good for us. The hand to mouth is a natural action and the water is soothing to drink. It detoxes the body. We can still have a cup or two of regular coffee a day. A bit more of decaf if we choose. Drink water. Two liters a day.
Sometimes people living in recovery from mental health conditions and addiction feel like they’re less than other people. It’s a sub conscious judgement of ourselves as we compare ourselves to others. They are natural thoughts for us. We are told by people who live in one day at a time recovery we are no better or no worse than any other people. All people are equal. All people are worthy of love and belonging. I know that some people are better at some things than others. That doesn’t matter. We are all human beings. A recovering friend told me that they were not the person they want to be, and they were not the person they ought to be, but they were damned sure that they were not the person they used to be. It’s about a little bit of growth day by day by day.
For those of us who have lived in an unreal, or perhaps delusional world, will find much joy in reality. Mental health conditions complicated with addictions can often take us away from the real world of love, friendship, and freedom from the bondage of self. Awakening from a world in which we are held hostage, and being able to to be responsible for our health and well being is a great joy that we can find one day at a time. Some days can be difficult but reality can bring with it reasonable happiness and in this we can be happy, joyous, and free. We will discover the real self that lives within us. This is the self that has the courage to reach out for help to live in the joy of reality, and has the gratitude to try and give back to try and help others.
Those of us living with mental health disorders and addiction need to give ourselves permission to ask for help. When we are stressed to the maximum and we just cannot stop using we need to accept this. Those of us living in one day at a time recovery know that it is more than just financial help that we need. Many times we need professional help in a stress free and safe environment where we can be assessed and treated. If we cannot gain access to such a place, we need to seek to be treated on an out-patient basis. If we stop using the substances that are making us ill, situations can change and many times we become healthy. And hopefully we will learn ways to deal with our stress. We might even join a group of recovering peers that can be a part of the help we need.
Those of us who live with mental health disorders and addictions need to come in out of the rain. Depressed, lonely, and tired is the rain no-one should live in. Those of us who are living in one day at a time recovery know this. We came in out of the rain. We reached out for help. Reaching out is the courageous and brave thing to do. We received professional help and some of us found our way in out of the rain. Many of us found tools to help live well lives. Many of us live one day at a time. Whether we believe it or not, we deserve to feel good. We deserve to come in out of the rain.
What I have discovered is that when I isolate, or even just spend too much time by myself, I can become too important. At least to myself. I know we are all important, but other people have their own lives. I know from living in one day at a time recovery that I need to have humility. I know that the old tapes that can play into my delusional modes of thinking are just fantasy. One day at a time recovery reveals this to me and keeps me humble. I needed medication to see this. People in recovery, who have lost touch of reality, can relate to this. Too much alone can be bad for us. If we share how important our sometimes delusional importance is with other people they just might not be able to relate. As was said before, recovering people can.