If there is anything we learn in recovery is we learn that self-care is not selfish. The reality is that we take care of ourselves so we can become less selfish people. In doing so we can be there for other people when they need us to be there for them. Our one day at a time recovery teaches us that we need to stay clean and sober. Many of us need to take medication to see the reality of this. In this reality we know that there are some good hearted people who think some of us don’t need medication. These are people who just don’t understand the importance of professional medical treatment. Medication has kept many of us in one day at a time recovery for many years. We set simple boundaries with these people. This is self-care. And as was said before that now that we are living in recovery we can be there for other people. This is the result of self-care.
Some days are messy days for people who live with concurrent disorders. We get out of bed and our morning routine becomes messed up. Our morning prayer and our morning reading just isn’t going well because we have too much on our mind. And we can see we had skipped yesterday’s dishes. We think we will do them when we get back from work. We think we are almost broke but we see we have sixty dollars in our wallet instead of ten. That didn’t happen when we were getting wasted. Still we still feel the day is a mess and we rush to the grocery store. Didn’t do much of that either when we were wasted. Then we go grab a pizza with our spouse or our partner, or maybe just by ourselves. And we were smart. We didn’t spend all we had. We feel anxious and we lie down. This is the mess of living recovery one day at a time. We do the dishes. Then we wind down and relax. We thank God for this messy day. This is a beautiful mess.
Reality checks are verbal inquiries that most people do to check the truth of an uncertainty. Reality checking happens to those of us who are living one day at a time recovery. For instance we might think that we have done something that has upset somebody because their body language and tone of voice is angry when they arrive home one day. The monkey in our mind tells us that they don’t like us. It also tells us that we don’t measure up as a person because of it. Then we feel worse because the monkey then tells us it’s all true. After all, why else would they be angry? They seem like they’re always pleasant and easy going but now they’re angry. What am I supposed to do? This is the time to do a reality check. We ask them, “Are you angry with me?” They tell us no that they have to cover someone’s shift on Saturday. They meant to call but work was busy and they also say they’re sorry and you believe them because of lived experience with them and their reassurance. We have done a simple reality check that has put an end to our uncertainty.
If we see this day in wellness we can see hope for tomorrow. The wellness in which we see this day that gives us hope for tomorrow is we are clean and sober. This is important. Recovery brings us out of the fog of delusion. Medication (for me), professional and natural supports, and the grace of a loving God can give, keep, or return us to good health. Many people living in recovery from concurrent disorders know and experience this. Not every day is a good day. Nonetheless we can be healthy people who can live our lives free from active addiction. When we are able to see this day as recovering people we learn the meaning of one day at a time.
The reality of gratitude is that we can be happy people. Happiness is a result of one day at a time recovery that we experience when we keep clean and sober. A roof over our heads, food to eat, access to health care, and having something worthwhile to do are not always guaranteed when we live in a system of meritocracy. Living in recovery from concurrent disorders can reveal this to us in one day at a time living. Realizing this can help us become reasonable and reasonably happy people. As I grow in my recovery, I realize that when I am reasonably happy I can experience joy and freedom. Mental illness and addiction can affect our gratitude, our happiness, and our ability to be reasonable. There are no guarantees in life. Many countries that are based on the system of meritocracy put in safeguards to prevent homelessness, and they have programs to feed those in need. They provide health-care for people including services for our mental health and our overall well being. The problem that occurs though is people fall through the cracks. This happens in imperfect societies. People living with addictions and mental illness know this.
Often when we attend a seminar, a workshop, or some form of support meeting we are there with our own agendas. If what we are listening to does not reinforce the importance of our agendas we usually have no reason to pay attention. I mean after all, aren’t we there for ourselves. After all, how can we agree with someone who disagrees with us. What some of us have discovered is that what we don’t agree with is that we are simply not there. And being simply not there might be is that we are simply not there yet. What some of us have discovered is we need to pay attention to others as best we can. There are many truths and many stories. Even though another’s story differs from ours it might help us or someone we know someday, somewhere, somehow. It might even save someone’s life. Thank you for reading.
There is a common delusion many people share which is that we can only be happy when we find Utopia. This is because we believe that Utopia is a place where all of our desires and dreams will be fulfilled. Such a place is the vision of people in bondage. It is the hopes of people in pain. Such is the pain of people living with concurrent disorders. The delusion we share is that we need perfection to be happy not the idea of does Utopia exist. If we believe that Utopia is a state of being, rather than a place to live, we will have moments of Utopian peace. And we can have a lot of serenity, happiness, and joy. It happens one day at a time. This is when we experience freedom from the bondage that active addiction places on us. We can be free from the delusion that happiness is anything other than the happy, joyous, and free lives recovering people live. Our pain is real. We can acknowledge that. When we are reasonable about what Utopia is, which is the freedom for people in bondage, we have the gift of gratitude and the gifts brought to us when we escape our delusions which some call the bondage of self. Thank you for reading.
There are situations in our lives where there is nothing we can do. The reality though is that we do a lot in accepting this. One of the most frustration situations that we encounter in our lives is another person’s active addiction and the behavior that comes with it. These challenging behaviors are coping methods of one’s self trying to run from self-centered fears while feeding the obsessions of self. The sad thing is that this is a personality trait that can often be abusive to other people. When we come into one day at a time recovery we know this. We know this because many of us were also trying to run from self-centered fears while feeding obsessions of self. We know that we cannot change other people but we can set limits, or we can have boundaries. When there is nothing we can do we do what we can. Thank you for reading.
Often, when we are overwhelmed with anxiety, we lose the sense of ease that we might usually have. When this happens many of us feel the need to be in control. This is a perfectly normal reaction to anxiety but we can only control what we can control. The things that we cannot control are out of our hands and as frightening or disappointing that they are, or seem to be, we can only accept them. We learn radical acceptance. What else can we do? At times we have no other choice. This is the gift of reality and reality can be difficult. There is one reality that many of us do discover in one day at a time recovery and it is that we have the right to own these difficult times and the right to know we are not out of our minds. We have lost our sense of ease and the need to be in control is a perfectly normal desire but as others have told us – “Accept what we cannot change – courage to change what we can – and may we have the wisdom to know the difference”
Some people are creative driven people. Often when we seek to create something we are trying to express our feelings and our beliefs. Often we are sharing our values, and our intentions to participate in this journey that we call life. When we create we often can be exposed to a touch of humility. When being a creative person we will understand that life is not a competition. We accept this when we realize that creation is not merely an endeavor to inflate our egos. We understand that creativity is a part of our being. In my case it is a component of one day at a time recovery. Good, bad, or indifferent, creativity helps us all belong. If we step out of our egos we can all identify. Thank you for reading.