Those of us who live with anxiety and/or depression know that hugs can sometimes make us feel like weeping. We’re not losing our minds. It’s a feeling of alone. Those of us who are living in one day at a time recovery know this feeling. I have heard it described as being in a small room with a hundred people and still feeling all alone. The rooms of recovery have taught me that we are not alone. But there are times we still feel that way. Reoccurring anxiety and/or depression can reintroduce us to feelings of alone. If this is an emergency, or if it becomes an emergency, we call 911 or our local crisis line immediately. The alone I am talking about is an alone most people can feel. Those of us who have been in recovery for a while know this and we know that we are not alone. Anxiety and/or depression are no joke. Many people turn to professional medical help. You will be heard and being heard is important. Many of us have turned to support groups for help and live life one day at a time which means reach out for help and be well today.
And his world cried like suicide
Being lost so much insane
A sunny day of drinks and tokes
Then coming down like cruel cold rain
For reality does not exist
Within the tears of someone else
Being lost so lost in emptiness
All this emptiness still felt.
So he shakes his head and says a prayer
For all the pains of yesterday
And the night sweats and the morning fear
Within the cruel cold light of day
And the headaches and the trembling hands
He sees a hole punched in a wall
For the booze it took him to its lands
And he felt so very small.
And freezing rain breaks weary limbs
That grow on strong dead trees
So saddened like remorseful hymns
With a pain that no-one sees
And a hapless anguish breaks his heart
So engulfed in darkened night
He surrenders with his tears of dread
Screaming God I lost the fight.
And he drifts off in a moment real
Where much nothingness does matter
And he wakes up in the light of day
With its noise of constant clatter
While he knows he cannot change what is
And he knows exactly why
And the coming down like cruel cold rain
With the tears he often cries.
And strong dead trees just will not bend
But eventually they break
For he’s caged by pain that no-one sees
Such a lonely silent ache
But perhaps a sudden flash of light
Will dry the tears that fall
But now he coasts in search of hope
But he’s sort of blind like Saul.
Saint Paul or Saul he’ll never be
He’s a broken strong dead tree
Just a strong dead tree that broke in two
That he saw eventually
But in his strength there was a weakness
And in his weakness he was strong
And he knows it took so many years
That passed quick but took so long.
And the stars shall shine within the sky
And the rain shall often dance
And a broken strong dead tree shall pray
And be given one more chance
And betwixt beyond and up and down
Behold and hold on tight
And he knows it took so many years
And it’s grace that makes it right.
And broken strong dead trees shall fade
Into flowers that shall grow
While the bees shall simply pollenate
And new life shall simply grow
For it simply is a twist in life
That this world is forgiving
For a broken strong dead tree is gone
And has found a world of living.
And living has its ups and downs
While a strong new tree has grown
As nature changes like the tides
Where the bees had often flown
And in his life he was reborn
And in his life he sees
A sunrise and a pleasant morn
And the tears that set him free.
Though his anger screams in cold stone rage
He’s a frightened child who weeps
And silence shreds and scars his heart
So much it hides and sleeps
While music soothes the beast inside
The madness walks to mourn
And ragged is his leather coat
With its lining worn and torn.
An aging tired man in pain
Still smiles loves and needs
He fears and sleeps the troubled sleep
And shakes and sweats and bleeds
Embracing love believing hope
At times he curses all
He touches heaven walks through hell
And falls and falls to fall.
To fall in Paradise he smiles
To serve and rise in peace
Perhaps the tears and fears shall die
With the chains that shall release
The human heart the human soul
And twice his dreams are born
With the splendor of a leather coat
With its lining worn and torn.
And living has its ups and downs
While a strong new tree has grown
And nature changes like the tides
Where the bees had often flown
And in his life he was reborn
And in his life he sees
A sunrise and a pleasant morn
And the tears that set him free.
And his world cried like suicide
Being lost so much insane
A sunny day of drinks and tokes
Then coming down like cruel cold rain
For reality does not exist
Within the tears of someone else
Being lost so lost in emptiness
All this emptiness still felt.
To fall to fall in Paradise
To serve and rise in peace
Perhaps the tears and fears shall die
With the chains that shall release
The human heart the human soul
And twice his dreams are born
And the splendor of a leather coat
With its ling worn and torn.
Some people living in one day at a time recovery believe that their success should be measured. It is not just some recovering people who think this way. Society in general values people based on their level of functioning or their marketable skills. This is the system of meritocracy. If we cannot market what we do, or function at an acceptable level, we can be left out in the cold. Literally left out in the cold. I do believe that it is important that we all participate as best we can to contribute to society in general, but those of us lacking in such matters should be valued. We are all worthy of inherent dignity. Many people believe this. It is one of the basic building blocks of society. If you don’t think so you’re concept of civilization is a bit off. Most people do the best that they can. It’s not just a matter of functioning. Bring us in out of the cold.
People who live in one day at a time recovery know that pride can get in the way of growth. If we don’t know this, we haven’t payed attention. Many of us know that pride can hamper our ability to accept, or to adapt, to a variety of circumstance and changes in life. Sometimes we still let pride take the lead in our decision making. Experience lets us recognize this, but often our ego will tell us we cannot be wrong. When pride is in the driver’s seat the ego is riding shotgun and co-pilot at the same time. This is when pride gets in the way. We become unteachable. Then reality sets in and teaches us a lesson. We put pride in the back seat and we fire the ego. We listen to those who can teach us. Then we are teachable and we learn life by living life one day at a time.
Some of us who live in one day at a time recovery know that recovery is a personal responsibility. We know that our spouses, partners, or anyone else that we might hope to share the load with are not. Some of us do, and will need support from others. Medical supports come from medical professionals. Life skills are also things we can learn from professionals. We can also pick up life skills from supports groups, twelve step programs, and other people who are competent in such matters. The thing about life skills is we have to apply them in our lives. If we already have our minds made up on what we are going to do, to either start recovery, or maintain our recovery, we could be wasting our time. Someone else’s too. If we are responsible enough to pay attention to someone other than our own sometimes misguided thoughts, we can do well. As was said, recovery is a personal responsibility. Pay attention.
There is a realization that comes to people in one day at a time recovery. This realization is that life is good. A realization that many of us have is that we find reality and we realize that we are not fundamentally different from others. We breathe, we eat, and we sleep. Though many of us feel like we’re different we are all fundamentally the same. Again – we breathe, we eat, and we sleep. We do gravitate towards people who share similarities with us because we all need love and belonging. People in one day at a time recovery know that life is good. We all have to adapt to difficult situations. We understand reality and being reasonably happy. The reality that we have found has also shown us we can be happy, joyous, and free. Joy does happen. Welcome to reality one day at a time. Be grateful.
Many people who live in one day at a time recovery wear the brave face of normal. In this case, the brave face of normal is doing well when you are tired. Not only tired, but edgy from being tired. This doesn’t only happen to people in one day at a time recovery. It happens to most mature individuals. We stay cordial and act decently to people. If we find that we cannot do this with people, when we are usually good at being cordial, we have to access our levels of activity and stress over the past few days, or perhaps the past couple of weeks. If we have been burning the candle at both ends, and if we are angry and critical, we need to rest. When rested, we can again wear the brave face of normal when needed. We live our wellness – one day at a time.
People who live in one day at a time recovery from concurrent disorders know that doing so is well worth the effort. We also know the work that it takes to stay in recovery can be difficult. First of all, we have to be honest with ourselves. If we do not learn how to help ourselves we can become ill. When ill, we can be irresponsible and careless, or we could lose touch with reality. We could also take risks that we would not when well. We could also become manic, or depressed, or suicidal. If we maintain our recovery, and if we participate in healthy decisions while acting accordingly, we will enjoy our lives. Even the struggles won’t seem so bad. Some of us have people in our lives but we don’t have the energy to socialize too much. As long as we are not pushing away those close to us we are more than likely okay. When we have people who are supportive of our recovery and our goals, people who know us, people who care about us, we will appreciate them. And we will learn the reality of life. Life isn’t perfect but it can be good. We put in the effort. We follow our treatment plan plus we partake in our support groups. And if we can, we also go to work. In addition to this, we know that it easier to stay in recovery one day at a time than it is come back from a relapse. Relapse is not a failure but it could be fatal. Put in the effort. It’s worth it.
Grace
At times you’re so grateful you can’t even cry
But inside fall the tears ever frightened and shy
For a child is born and they’re born to be free
For so gentle is grace and you finally see
For you’re kissed by the silence of innocent morns
The dew drops are dancing new beginnings are born
Imperfect perfection yet you’re hampered by fears
Of confusion and doubt but this grace is sincere
But at times you’re so grateful you can’t even cry
But inside fall the tears ever frightened and shy
For a child is born and they’re born to be free
For so gentle is grace and you finally see
The moment is magic when grace takes our hand
And we know we belong but we can’t understand
For we’ve wasted and tasted and hastened to live
Self-centered self-serving but it’s grace that forgives
At times you’re so grateful you can’t even cry
But inside fall the tears ever frightened and shy
For a child is born and they’re born to be free
For so gentle is grace and you finally see
And you think of the moment and the prodigal sons
The daughters the wives and the husbands that run
The sinners last dinners and thieves on the cross
The Buddha the pain and the times we have lost
When we feel we are nothing we know grace disagrees
It embraces with love helps us off of our knees
And at times you’re so grateful you can’t even cry
We’ve a moment of peace and we drop our disguise
And we know that we live as the prodigal sons
The daughters the wives and the husbands that run
The sinners last dinners and thieves on the cross
The Buddha the pain and the times we have lost
Many people who live in one day at a time recovery from mental health disorders and addiction have a conversation within their own minds. The conversation is should I share my experience with others publicly. If the answer appears as a yes, the first thing that we have to recognize is that we need to have boundaries. We need not to disclose anything that could hurt us, or other people. Many of us who have spoken in public know the importance of following a scripted talk. We know that our talk should be appropriate. Vincent Van Gough was a great artist and he wasn’t a great artist just because of his pain. He had skill. If people have questions many of them will come out of our talks. Be prepared. Leave it up to the professionals to diagnose and treat other people. We don’t prescribe or recommend medications. We can share only our experiences. Lastly, leave people with hope. One day at a time.