Be Well Today

Can the truth of desperation ever change a person’s heart
With the loss of childhood’s innocence when your soul is torn apart
In frustration of the daily climb born to fall and fall again
When you want to walk and hold the sky but you don’t know how or when

And you often saw the mountain peak for it appeared but ran away
While stars would dance as the clouds would pass while the moon would often say
That we are deaf to vague vague words of love and hope and trust
And we would often hear those God damned words from dust to dust to dust

And our torn and tattered souls will bow as dust to dust begins
And a jester sort of cries a tear and a jester sort of grins
While our souls have found the mountain peaks as they walk and hold the sky
While a jester weeps a happy tear with a soft and grateful sigh

And betwixt our desperation is the greatest gift we’ve found
It’s the silence when we’re torn apart with a calming raging sound
And you know that you’re a child of God from this deep and desperate start
When you feel the gift of gratitude and you have found the human heart

Some people are creative driven people. Often when we seek to create something we are trying to express our feelings and our beliefs. Often we are sharing our values, and our intentions to participate in this journey that we call life. When we create we often can be exposed to a touch of humility. When being a creative person we will understand that life is not a competition. We accept this when we realize that creation is not merely an endeavor to inflate our egos. We understand that creativity is a part of our being. In my case it is a component of one day at a time recovery. Good, bad, or indifferent, creativity helps us all belong. If we step out of our egos we can all identify. Thank you for reading.

When we have been in one day at a time recovery we begin to have new beginnings. I believe I am beginning to not only wake up after a sleep, I am awakened in a new beginning. Grace has made it so. And to some of us this grace, this awakening, is a God thing. These beginnings of new beginnings seem to happen every five to eight years. Sometimes sooner – sometimes longer. These new beginnings change so like the developing seasons of life. The idea is to go with them and to pay attention to the grace that comes with them. These new beginnings do not make us better, smarter, healthier, or more spiritually fit than others. We simply begin to recognize these new beginnings with gratitude. And at these new beginnings we know grace and we know love. When calm and not stressed we see the frailties of the ego and we see the ego does not consume us. We can spend time alone much better than we could before. This is part of the beginning of new beginnings. Not perfection, but new beginnings. We know we are awakened by grace each and every day.

It is important for those who live with concurrent disorders to live life this day. This is the beginning of recovery and one of the main factors in retaining it. This way of life has been a prominent ideal in humanity’s existence for many centuries. We know we cannot live in the past because it keeps us from the gift of this day. We know we cannot live in the future because it also keeps from the gift of this day. The past can keep us living in regret and remorse. Living in the future can cause fear and anxiety. These dimensions of existence need for us to give ourselves, other people, and also institutions, the gift of grace. In doing so maybe we will find the gift of the present moment, and in this moment we will find the gift of this day. We know that we will remember, but perhaps we will find the gift of hope. We know we will worry, but perhaps we will find gift of being at ease. And in this we find the gift of recovery, living in this day, one day at a time.

Those of us who live in one day at a time recovery know about emotional pain. We know we live in great pain being held captive by the bondage of self while in our addiction. In this pain we became alone. Others just didn’t see it. Our smiles, our laughter, our jokes, and perhaps then, our real isolation. The pain of alone. We had to reach out for help. So we did. Then we met the paradox of pain. We began the imperfect journey of life and recovery. We put down the booze, the pot, or whatever. Our treatment plans were constructed with the help of professionals. We stopped bullshitting the doctors and others who wanted to help us. We became responsible again. Some of us found happiness, freedom and joy for the first time. The rest of us found it again. Please reach out. You are worth it.

It is a huge commitment to live in one day at a time recovery from mental health conditions and addiction. Many of us know that it is a worthwhile endeavor. We know this for certain. Some of us start the morning with medication. Then in prayer we ask for help to keep this a clean and sober day. The God thing is important to us because our disorders completely defeated us. We knew we were out of control and we reached out. We remembered the panic and the desperation when we were frustrated and frightened pleading, “God help me!” Today we see that the desperation we experienced was a gift. Today it could be something as simple as, “God help me to stay clean, sober, and healthy today. Help me to stay committed to my recovery.” Some days our morning thoughts bounce all over the place but we ask for help anyways. It helps us realize we all need help. Someone, or something, has got us this far. We know that staying committed to participate in a healthy life is quite a responsibility. With a little help we can do this. We are worth it.

Those of us who have been living in one day at a time recovery, think of other people with gratitude. Those who we learn to trust are simply gifts for us. They can take us out of our problems, or at the very least, be a sounding board. And when we see their faults and flaws, we see that they too, just like us, are human. Should we criticize them, we are probably seeing our own shortcomings. We need remember that faults, flaws, and shortcomings are not failings. They are a part of being a human being. Human beings who are living beings. Beings who are as important to us as the air we breathe. Often when in panic, they calm us, and help us find our breath. And they want nothing in return. These beautiful caring imperfect people do this because they care. We are learning, one day at a time, the gift of other people.

There is a reality that many people in one day at a time recovery tend to follow. This reality is when they come to another person with a problem, their solution is already made. They just need reassurance from one, two, or several others. Often enough, they are skating a slippery slope being influenced by their own misguided thinking. This reality is the reality of many people. We can see a differing opinion as criticism. Some of us learn just to let others make their own decisions. And the funny thing is, we all are capable of making decisions based on our own misguided thoughts. If we are not paying attention we will continue to do so. Many of our decisions are based on fear. Hopefully, when we learn to pay attention, we will know this. Then we learn a new reality. The wisdom to know the difference.

The noise it laughs in unison, a melancholic sit,
A poet sighs the years fly by, the clock ticks tick tick tick
He gazes through the window screen, the sky a simple grey,
His pain is heavy, without words, such like the sad song says

A gentle brush, his shaven head, a slight slight breeze unseen,
It’s mostly still at windowsill, his paper blank and clean,
For the troubles of a brown bag buzz, insanity in price,
A dollar-five for cheap cheap wine, each drink is tasted twice

But now the days are days of love, the noise still lives a bit,
The poet sighs and sometimes cries, the clock ticks tick tick tick,
With decaf by the windowsill, the poet sits alone,
To see a view so made of glass and wood and paint and stone

While memories of madness mock the minds of boys and men,
With moments touching paradise, the memories of when,
That cannabis could catch the sky, like comets crashing clear,
A time a time of long ago, quite lost but still quite near

Thirty years or more have slept the silver birds have flown,
The clock it simply ticks tick tick, in glass and wood and stone,
And silence is a butterfly, and love a soft embrace,
And joy is but a simple smile that you don’t have to chase

A speckled road from drops of wet, a view that you can hold,
A Summer’s sweet surrendering that simply won’t be sold,
With decaf by the windowsill, a poet sits alone,
To see a view so made of glass and wood and paint and stone

So now the days are days of love, the noise still lives a bit,
The poet sighs and sometimes cries, the clock ticks tick tick tick
With decaf by the windowsill, the poet sits alone,
To see a view so made of glass and wood and paint and stone

Many people who were living with mental health disorders and addiction were willing to become willing to reach out for the help they needed to find recovery. They simply were not willing to reach out but they became willing to become so. They knew that they needed to reach out and soon they did so because they wanted to become willing and they did. It seams like I am talking in riddles but I’m not. They simply wanted to want to be well. It’s similar to the idea of being reasonable and reasonably happy leads to being happy, joyous, and free. When we reach out for help to help ourselves one day at a time we find growth happens to us even when we don’t know it’s happening. It’s the gift of commitment. Not every day is a bed of roses but the gift of commitment changes our lives. We learn to deal with adversity. We are now willing to reach out for help. Thank God for this willingness and this gift of commitment. This is also when we learn to appreciate that we, even with all of our imperfections, can help others.