Many people are lacking the motivation to participate in festive activities this time of the year. This happens to people who are living with depression, and people living with other disorders that cause us to think deeply. We focus on lacking motivation and become lethargic and discontent. When this happens we often want the company of people who are not quite so festive who have only one thing in mind. A regular gathering with non-festive conversation without stress, or responsibility. Perhaps a coffee or something with no expectations of duty or holiday cheer. When we get this kind of a break perhaps we will realize it is okay to take a break. What would we say to others who are struggling? We would tell them if they needed someone to talk to, we would be there for them. We would tell them that we’d take a break with them if they wanted. And perhaps we would tell them we need the breaks too. Perhaps then the festive activities wouldn’t feel so cumbersome. Maybe then we would have goodwill to share with others. Maybe then we would realize when we are taking breaks we are sharing good will. We all need it. Especially those of us who struggle. Peace.
Often people find it difficult to accept that when we are struggling it doesn’t mean we are unhappy. We are told to count our blessings, and to change our way of thinking. Perhaps if we had some security, we would be able to do so. At times it seems like we are criticizing the whole world, but we are not. What people don’t understand is at times, our lives can be difficult. I know this next line might not make sense to some, but financial inequality, and poor social skills are disabling aspects of our lives. This is a reality for some people who are living with the cumbersome affects of a chronic mental illness. This is a reality that I call poverty of illness. We can step in and out of these emotional instabilities and modes of thinking. When this happens to us, and when you see us struggle, we ask that you be patient as we call deep on our courage to find the reality of being happy. What we often find is we need to find reasonable happiness, and also joy in the love you are deciding to share with us. When others learn to understand that we are grateful, and also that we feel the love and joys of life. We all need to be the givers of grace at some points in our lives. Gratitude and reasonable happiness are stepping stones to having happy, joyous, and free lives. Not always struggle free or worry free, but decent loving lives with good times and good health. We hope to share this with you. Peace.
Many people living one day at a time believe everyone should enjoy chocolates this time of the year. Chocolate is a delicacy that just wasn’t affordable for us. We afforded a stockpile of booze, but a box of chocolates simply cost too much. Besides, we’d rather drink and pretend we were merry as we spent our holidays in blackouts and broken promises which were we would pace ourselves, and we would make our stockpiles last. But with a quick built in forgetter we reminded ourselves what true heroes we really were. After all, we were hosting Christmas dinner. We had already purchased a large turkey, stuffing and all. And we even bought dessert. Pumpkin pie and cool whip. We even believed we had the right to be belligerent and insulting. We were only making merry. And then reality sat in and we realized what chocolates and good will were all about. Chocolates were our sober kindness and giving of ourselves with no expectations of anything in return. A pleasant embrace, a gentle smile and a calm, kind festive season were now a reality. We realized we were stepping up to the plate at Christmas. And in doing so we were having an enjoyable, peaceful holiday. When we realized this we wanted to extend our kindness, and if we could afford it, we gave a little to the foodbank or the charity that was hosting a Christmas dinner for those who were less fortunate. And now we know what chocolates are this time of the year. They’re kindness, compassion, and goodwill for everyone. I hope we all can enjoy them. Peace!
I am trying to spread the word about a new ebook I have put on my site. It was made possible by the generosity of Rick Coates of Jackets Creative and a Development Grant from arts nb. This book is a quick and easy read. It’s about a misfit poet who shares some of his views and experiences on living in a social democracy. You can either go directly to the site or click on the link I am sharing in this post. Thanks – Paul
Many people living in one day at a time recovery are people who are trying to keep peace with humility. Keeping peace with humility reminds us we are all people and all people are of equal value. Our reality tells us when we sit in judgement of others, or even ourselves, we are measuring the value and the lives of human beings. Often when we do this, we do so with a self-righteous view. Humility reminds us of the hypocrisy of such judgements. Many of us catch ourselves doing so and realize we do so being caught up in pride, fear, or envy. There are even times when our judgement causes us to create scapegoats of people or peoples. One day at a time recovery has a way of making us aware of such judgements. Humility tells us to stop throwing stones. At others or ourselves. Humility is a gift.
People living in one day at a time recovery learn that life has tears, fears, and dishonest mirrors. Some of us don’t understand this, and some of us cannot admit it. Perhaps it is life’s dishonest mirrors that paints a picture for us that we can never be out of control. These dishonest mirrors tell us we can never show any hints of vulnerability. And heaven forbid if we ever display any other perceived signs of weakness. And of course these mirrors tell us that we have to do it all perfectly, and with ease without showing any hints of effort or difficulty. Even when young, when we looked at ourselves in these dishonest mirrors, few of us ever measured up to a point where we had healthy self-images. In reality, I am just paraphrasing words from Dr. Brene Brown’s Ted Talk based on her research on shame (It’s on youtube). When reality sets in, most of us realize that life has tears, fears, and dishonest mirrors. Perhaps some of us struggle more than others, but we all struggle. The dishonest mirrors are telling us we are supposed to live in a fairy-tale but now we know better. Some days can be really good and we all know what this can be like. Love who you see in a loving mirror with all their tears and all their fears. That amazing person is you. You would be surprised how beautiful you truly are.
People living in one day at a time recovery do not have perfect lives. The bonus is that we know our lives will never be perfect. Never was and never will. Dr. Brene Brown has helped to understand imperfection has its gifts. When we understand this, we understand the reality of life. We also understand how our perspectives can change from day to day. The reality of life is our perspectives can change from moment to moment. Those of us who understand the benefits of reality checks understand this. When we can accept that life is not perfect, that we are not perfect, and that other people are not perfect, we can give life, others, and most importantly ourselves a break. Some people call this giving grace. Some people call giving grace – kindness, forgiveness, and empathy. These lead to gratitude and happiness. When we learn to accept imperfection, we also get to learn the gifts of imperfection – kindness, forgiveness, and empathy. Realistically we can struggle with these concepts, and we are not alone in doing so. As such we see we are not perfect, and we give ourselves a break. Then perhaps life. And in the reality of imperfection, we give others a break. Kindness, forgiveness, and empathy. When we share it we understand, and when we don’t share it perfectly, we understand. What we learn is we can go with the flow, and we have a bit more freedom. We become grateful and we understand the reality of grace is a natural law of life, and that peace is available to all of us in our imperfections. Once again, we are not alone. Many of us feel the same. It’s our reality.
Those of us living in one day at a time recovery know the affects from anxiety. We also experience the affects from depression. Anxiety and depression seem to go hand in hand, and the uncertainties of life seem to exacerbate the ill effects of both. Both anxiety and depression can give birth to a need for isolation. When afflicted with anxiety we can feel uncomfortable or afraid outside of the familiarity and security of our homes. What we find is there are times we feel unsafe, or disconnected from others, thus we would rather isolate. Often when anxious, our whole being is longing for connection but deep down we feel distraught and alone. Although many of us won’t admit it many of us are screaming inside, “Does anyone else feel terribly anxious and alone?” The answer to our question is – Yes! Many of us do. And what many of us are discovering is in this isolation of uncertainties we become terribly depressed. When this happens, isolation exacerbates our despair. Anxiety feeds depression. Depression feed anxiety. We are not alone. These are the difficult and ill affects resulting from anxiety and depression. We need to reach out. Some of us need medication. One day at a time we see we are not alone. This is reality.
Those of us living in one day at a time recovery understand what it is like see our lives, and the people in it, with differing perspectives. One day at a time we get to see the reality of recovery’s imperfection. No amount of gratitude or attempts at positive thinking can change this. We realize we are emotional beings. We are not alone in having emotions impact upon our views or our perspectives. It happens to most people. For instance, when stressed we can become angry and less flexible with other people. We become less adaptive to some situations. We can become difficult to be with. When we are not stressed, and things are going well we are patient and amiable people. We are better at adapting to life’s situations, but we are sometimes careless. When we sense danger, real or imagined, we become protective or frightened. The reality of this causes us to look at life with differing perspectives, but such perspectives can bring magnified effects with disabling consequences to those of us who live with mental illness. Such perspectives can ruin not only relationships, but they also destroy careers. In reality we might have a tendency to isolate because of this. As I write this, I know it’s a reality and I know it happens to many people. The hope is to live our one day at a time recovery and adapt as best we can. Others understand. Reach out and be supportive. We’re not freaks. Peace.
A man – a brave man
His face bore the lines
And worries of
Eighty-four years
He saw a much different
World than me
He is a decorated
And true hero
The angel of death
Was no stranger
To his fallen comrades
And his fallen enemies
But he did what he had to
For he answered freely
His call to duty
Young and foolish
I longed to be a hero
And I questioned
This courageous soldier –
“What’s it like to be a hero?”
We sat in his cellar
As he quenched his thirst
With a drink of rye
And he flinched as the
Canada Day fireworks
Exploded
Then he sadly replied –
“Had there been another way,
I would have taken it.”